The Power of (a Child's) Observation

So often in Montessori we talk about the value of observation as it pertains to adults observing children. While it is important to take a step back and observe our children as they work, it is equally valuable for our children to observe us, and each other. Children, from the time they are born, are skilled observers. How incredible is it that babies learn simply by being and observing? They typically do not need to be taught to talk and play and walk - they simply watch and learn. With three children, I’ve had an abundance of opportunities to observe how they observe…

Many children are observers when they are somewhere new, and that is especially true for D and S. It hasn’t always been easy for me to watch them not jump in and try new things or “join the fun”. I have to remind myself that while many children learn best by doing, some children learn best by first observing. Our job is to provide opportunities and a safe base from which to explore, and their job is to trust themselves to decide when to dive in, or not.

S (3) is in his first year of primary and has spent the majority of his first month observing. He stays close to his teacher and watches her give lessons and the children work. Even so, there has been no shortage in learning. I can see how much he’s absorbed through observation when he comes home and gets to work here. He goes to our playroom and unrolls and rolls rugs on repeat. He traces letters and makes different letter sounds. He sings the songs he’s learned on repeat. He meticulously chops carrot sticks from his lunch box “the way my teacher does it”. Observation is education.

D started primary in the exact same way. Now in her third (kinder) year of primary, she simply dove into work on day one. It is beautiful to see her growth each year in the same classroom. This doesn’t mean she has stopped observing. As most children do, she observes before and as she works. I see this observation play out through her pretend play at home. We come home from school and she immediately dives into playing school with her stuffed animals, acting out whatever she observed that day. Observation leads to deep pretend play as a way to process the day’s events.

Birth order plays a role too. While D, as the oldest, mostly learned by observing adults as a baby, S and J learn so much by observing each other. I remember when S was a young toddler and I introduced the kitchen knife, I didn’t even need to give him a lesson. He picked it up, held it correctly, and began chopping just as he’d seen D do many times before. J, observing his older siblings sing in the car at the top of their lungs, has already learned how to coo loudly along with them. He’s also quite eager to crawl right after them as they play, seeing just what opportunities movement can offer him. Observation is a key piece of multi-age environments.

Children’s sharp observation skills can also serve as a reminder of the importance of modeling. If we would like our child to hang up their coat, we have to do so ourselves first. Simply asking or saying the words isn’t enough. When we model something over and over, they pick up on it simply by observing that action again and again. The other weekend my husband decided to build the kids a mud pit so they’d focus their digging in a designated spot. When he asked if they wanted to help, they initially said no, but once they observed him out there with his tools, they were eager to join in. Observation is often more powerful than listening.

Observation is important for us all. It can be tempting to jump right in and fix something for our child just as it can be hard to watch them sit on the sidelines. But I have learned time and time again that pushing to “do” doesn’t get anyone anywhere. Many people, both children and adults, need the space and time to take in their surroundings by watching and listening first.

Observation isn’t what comes before the work - it is the work.

Raising Helpers

One of the most wonderful things about toddlers is how they so inherently want to help. They are eager to be involved, be near us, and to participate in our day to day activities. What we deem “chores”, toddlers see as what they are: meaningful contributions to our family or community.

After toddlerhood, we often notice a shift. Children seem less intrinsically motivated to help and view helping more as a chore. This is a natural part of development: they are more independent and focused on their own work and play. They are discovering who they are and where their own interests lie, which is a beautiful thing. It also doesn’t mean it’s the end of helping!

How do we continue to foster this motivation and raise helpers beyond the toddler years? Here are a few tips that I’ve been keeping in mind in our own home lately. These can be incorporated in toddlerhood and well beyond!

Help our children - Our children learn how to help through us helping them. When we respond to their requests for help, they are more likely to do so in return. Often helping doesn’t mean doing a task for them, but rather offering just enough help to get them through a tough spot. 

Model it - Not only should we think about how we are offering help to our children, but how can we offer help to our partner, a friend, or our community? The more our children see us being helpers, the more likely they will want to be a helper too. 

Talk about it - “In our family, we help each other.” This is a phrase that we repeat often at home. The more we say and hear this, the more engrained it becomes and the more natural it feels to be a helper in the family. Importantly, this phrase is said in a gentle way, not as a command.

Make it part of the routine - When we make helping a part of our daily rhythm, it becomes natural. In our family, certain tasks are the kids responsibility every day: putting shoes and coats away, setting the table, feeding the dog, wiping up spills, tidying toys, etc. These tasks aren’t rewarded but rather just part of the routine. 

Offer opportunities - Sometimes we move so quickly through our own chores, we forget that we could involve our children. As much as possible, I try to do chores in front of the children so they have the opportunity to join in and help. Often what we consider mundane tasks are satisfying for our children. Having cleaning tools that are appropriately sized for our children make them feel especially capable.

Don’t force it - Inviting doesn’t guarantee our children will help. Even when these tasks are part of the daily or weekly routine, everyone has off days. We can offer grace and let it go. Often the next day, or at a different time, they are ready to help again.

Accept it as is - When our children do help, we may find that their “help” doesn’t lead to the outcome we desire. The dishes might not be as clean or the laundry might not be folded in a neat stack. When this happens, we can thank them for helping and appreciate it for the effort that went into it. Rather than correct them in the moment, we can model again another time, and try to be patient, as every skill takes time.

How can your child help today?

6 Common Misconceptions about Montessori at Home

This week I’m breaking down some common misconceptions about Montessori in the first few years. I bring up these misconceptions because too often I see people dismiss Montessori for reasons that aren’t even true. I completely believe in every family choosing the parenting philosophy that works best for them, but I do hope everyone has the correct information about their options first, and then chooses from there! I hope this helps clarify some of the hot button Montessori topics in the first few years.

Photo by Megan Hooks Photography

1. Kids have complete freedom

It is true that independence is a cornerstone of Montessori. Providing the youngest of children with choices and making our homes accessible promote their capabilities, confidence, and motivation. However, we give our children independence within clear and safe boundaries, in age-appropriate ways. We call this freedom within limits. We offer choices and set clear limits. Young children want predictability and to know that the adults are in control and that their environment is safe. When they receive mixed messages about their limits, they test to see what is and is not acceptable until they feel they are able to predict their environment again.

For example, a freedom is how much to eat at mealtimes. A limit is that we sit down while we eat and that the grown-ups decide what food is offered. A freedom is choosing which books to read before bed. A limit is that we read three books. A freedom is running and playing as loudly as they want. A limit is where that kind of running and play happens (outside).

2. The Shelf is the most important part of Montessori

Looking on the internet, it might appear that the materials on our shelves are the main focus of how we practice Montessori at home, but that is far from the case. Montessori is not defined by the shelf. 

The most important material in your environment is YOU. Preparing yourself is the first step in anything we do in Montessori. Our language, attitude, and response to our children are more impactful than anything on their shelf. 

Montessori is also about learning with all of our senses engaged. It is about learning through movement, learning through our hands, and above all, it is learning about and in the beautiful natural world we live in. The richest learning environment we can give our children is not their shelf at home, but the natural world around us.

3. Our children eat and play alone

While we do encourage starting infants and toddlers on solid foods at a small weaning table, we do not encourage eating alone. A small table encourages independence by getting in and out of the chair as well as reduces throwing and dropping behaviors as there isn’t as far for food to fall. In toddlerhood, the weaning table offers a way for children to set their own table and serve their own snack. Our babies and toddlers are not sitting here alone though. We typically sit on the floor or on a small cushion and join them. Often we also use a high chair for family dinners and meals that pulls right up to our kitchen or dining table.

Similarly, it is true that we encourage independent play as it allows our children to concentrate, problem solve, get creative, and fulfill their own interests. However, it is always balanced out with time together. Often we are sitting right next to them as they explore toys on their own and we talk to them when they look to us for feedback, labels, or conversation. We also spend quality time with them during transitions, such as diapering or toileting, dressing, preparing food, and cleaning. Though not always in the photos, Montessori is about connection as much as concentration.

4. Pretend play isn’t allowed

While it is true that fantasy is discouraged in the early years, it is not true that pretend play is discouraged.

One reason why it can feel as though pretend play is discouraged is because of the emphasis on reality over fantasy. In Montessori we encourage real activities that teach children about the world we live in and give them rich sensory experiences. We also lean towards books and materials that are based in reality. When young children read books that describe real places, people, and animals, they develop a sense of wonder for the world we live in. Books based in reality help to explain the already-gigantic world we live in.

When we let young children lead their own pretend play, we see them create scenes all on their own. These scenes mimic what they see in the real world and in their books. Pretend play offers them a way to work through new experiences and test out new ones. When we provide toddlers and young children with all that the real world has to offer, their pretend play only becomes richer and more fun for them. Sometimes pretend play is with dollhouses and other times it is using the shelf materials themselves in a creative way.

5. Montessori Children Aren’t Social

It is true that children are not forced to share in Montessori. They are also not forced to play with others. Rather, we let the child decide whether to play alone or with others. There are always opportunities for both in a Montessori classroom. We model kindness and compassion ourselves. We give children the opportunity to collaborate and resolve conflict themselves.

Often people bring up the social aspect when children are just toddlers. Toddlers aren’t social beings yet. Though toddlers enjoy being around people, especially family members, they are mostly engaging in parallel play - playing beside not with peers. It isn’t until age 4 or so that children share common goals in their play. Understanding typical social development tailors our expectations of chlidren’s social play and lets them take the lead.

6. Children are Forced to do Chores

Sometimes people see toddlers washing windows or 3-year-olds sweeping the floor and think that this has been forced upon them. Rather, cleaning up is something we model and build into our daily rhythms. It is something that young children really want to be a part of. In Montessori, we invite even the youngest of toddlers to join us as we go about our daily tasks. Toddlers feel valued and helpful when they get to be a part of these important jobs.

As children reach preschool age, we do encourage cleaning up after oneself, e.g. when we make a spill, we wipe it up. The goal isn’t to “make children clean” but rather to instill a sense of personal responsibility, caring for our shared environment, and learning to work together as a family or community.  We model this ourselves and help each other out as needed.

I hope that helps clear up a few of the most common misconceptions I hear about Montessori at home in the first few years. Montessori looks different in every home and every family. Find what works for you!

How Montessori Has Made Parenting More Fun

This feels taboo but I think it’s important to normalize: parenting, especially toddlers, can be monotonous. It can also be incredibly challenging. It can also be absolutely wonderful! While those might all sound like opposite experiences, most of us experience a range of all three emotions, and then some. Let’s start with the monotony: Children thrive on routines and toddlers love reading the same books and doing the same kinds of activities over and over. This doesn’t mean we do. Sometimes keeping up with the routine and the sameness feels boring. Other times there just isn’t time to feel bored because parenting feels completely overwhelming. Toddlers are figuring out who they are, how to navigate big emotions, and where their place is in this world. That process is intense and challenging. Whether you feel bored, overwhelmed, or any other “negative” emotion in your parenthood journey, know you aren’t alone. Especially in the time of a pandemic, parenting is HARD.

What we don’t want though, is to be in such a rut or so frustrated that we can’t ever enjoy our time with our children. We want to experience the joy too. I have personally found that Montessori has given me more ways to stay engaged, more tools to deal with challenges, and more joy to our days at home together. Sometimes it’s a shift in our routine, sometimes it’s the kind of activity we do, and other times it’s simply a mindset switch. Below are a few of the ways Montessori has helped me to find more joy throughout my parenting journey.

Photo by Megan Hooks Photography

Geeking out on child development - The more I read about child development, especially from a Montessori viewpoint, the more interested I am in my own children’s development. When I have a better understanding of what changes are happening in their brain and body, it makes it even more fun to see how that unfolds in their play, behavior, and interactions. Understanding sensitive periods makes me appreciate what my children might be especially drawn to or needing at different phases. You can check out my favorite child development books on my Bookshop storefront.

The power of observation - Observation is a key piece of the Montessori philosophy, and I find that the more I observe my children - their new skills, interests, challenges - the more interested I am in their play. I enjoy making little mental (or physical) notes about how they engage with materials or what new way they use their hands or body. It can be so interesting to see how they find new ways to use an old material or experience an “aha” moment with something they previously ignored. It can also be telling when I simply notice they need more time and space to use their imagination through open-ended and pretend play!

Photo by Megan Hooks Photography

Rotation to Spark Interest - Rotating materials and toys based on my children’s interests and development can spark interest for them, as well as for myself! I am usually just as excited to see my children engage with a new material as they are. Of course, it’s important to note that we never want to rotate materials that are still being enjoyed by our children, even if we, ourselves, are bored with them! But when it is an appropriate time to rotate in some new/old materials, it’s okay to enjoy that process too. Sometimes I make DIY or themed materials simply because I enjoy doing so!

The Value of Planning - Part of observation and toy rotation involves planning ahead of time. I find it extremely helpful to have a place to jot down notes at the beginning of the week, during the week, and at the end of the week. Making plans, observing, and reflecting at the end of the week can give even more meaning to my days at home and the skills, activities, and challenges I am working through with my children. If this sounds like something that might interest you too, check out the new Montessori Parent’s Planner, free when you sign up for my newsletter!

Finding joy in everyday tasks - Doing chores is not something that innately brings me joy. However, I have a newfound appreciation for these tasks since having toddlers. They do find pure joy in practical life tasks such as sweeping, scrubbing, and doing laundry, and therefore I find meaning in modeling these everyday chores and letting them help in small, or big, ways. It helps me to see the value in contributing to and keeping our family’s space beautiful. The more I model, the more they participate. And even when they don’t join me, they often use this time to play much more independently. What’s more, I often end up quite enjoying the calming process of cleaning once I get started!

Following Each Child’s Path - Parenting, especially with the influence of social media, can feel like one big competition. We see every other child’s highlights and milestones and we make comparisons. The more we compare, the less content we feel, and the more pressure and less joy we feel in parenting. If Montessori has taught me one thing, it’s that every child is different and that we wouldn’t want it any other way. Children have their own interests, their own timelines, and their own challenges and strengths. Embracing my own children’s unique personalities and paths has made parenting much more enjoyable.

Doing Things With and Beside Them, not For Them - As parents, we give so much of ourselves to our children. As we should. But that doesn’t mean we can’t also maintain our own hobbies, work, and time. Montessori emphasizes helping children help themselves from a young age. This gives toddlers a strong sense of control and satisfaction, but it is also meaningful for us as parents. My children know that I will play with them, but they also know there are other times we will work alongside one another. They know I am not going to do things for them that they can do themselves (but that of course they can ask for help.) It is so important for all of our happiness and sanity to have a balance of playing together, apart, and alongside one another.

Appreciation for the bigger World - Montessori philosophy emphasizes the importance of connection to the natural world and one’s community, large and small. As I teach my children about new places, plants, people, and animals, I often learn (and re-learn) right alongside them. Not only does this keep things interesting for me, but it is such a delight to see the big world through my childrens’ eyes. There is such a look of wonder as we take a walk in the woods, see a caterpillar up close, or travel to see new places and meet new people. I can feel that wonder too.

There are a hundred more ways I find joy through Montessori and parenting and also a hundred ways I struggle with parenting. My experience and your experience is valid. But when the days are especially long and hard, I hope this helps you find a few more ways to find and spark that parenting joy. And to remember we are all in this together!

Close-Ended vs. Open-Ended Toys in Montessori

A question I get asked frequently is why purchase toys that are “one and done”, or in other words, have one way to use them. I call these “close-ended materials”. This is in contrast to open-ended materials which can be used in any number of ways. Montessori classrooms and homes are primarily comprised of close-ended materials. Why? I think there is a common misconception that young children always prefer open-ended toys. I have found that children enjoy close-ended as much if not more, and create open-ended play with anything they have. It isn’t an “either/or” situation. Close-ended materials give children a sense of purpose, order, and satisfaction of accomplishment. Open-ended toys give children a space for creativity and freedom. There are reasons for each and for both. My goal here is to explain, in more detail than anyone asked for, why. :)

Close-Ended Materials

With close-ended materials, there is one specific purpose and way to use them. These types of materials are more always found in a Montessori classroom and home. Close-ended include materials such as knobbed cylinders, a puzzle, tracing, object to picture matching, or one-to-one correspondence. Often a lesson is given before the child interacts with the material.

Benefits of close-ended materials

• Purpose - Young children love nothing more than having a purpose, and close-ended materials provide just that. There is a clear purpose to each material, which gives children a sense of ownership and accomplishment.

• Challenge - These types of materials can be chosen to provide just the right level of challenge for a child. There is something so satisfying for children (and adults) when working through a problem that is tough but not out of reach.

• Mastery - With that purpose and challenge comes the satisfaction of completing the work. Children feel the sense of “I did it” when they master it, particularly for the first time. They can then even go on to teach a younger child how to use the material.

• Concentration - As children work though these materials and challenges, there is often a look of “in the zone”. When children are deep in concentration in this work, they often want to repeat over and over even after mastering.

• Self-correction - Many close-ended materials allow for self-correction, meaning they indicate when something is wrong, rather than an adult telling them so. For example, with knobbed cylinders, if one cylinder is placed incorrectly, the last cylinder won’t fit, and they will know to try a different way.

• Order - Young children crave order, as order gives them a sense of security in a world that feels so big. Close-ended materials give them this sense of order, which is attractive and inviting to them.

• Specific Skills - Each material aims at teaching or honing a specific skill, whether that’s size discrimination, shapes, writing, or colors. By isolating one skill at a time, children can really focus and master that skill.

• Sequencing - Often, close-ended materials involve multiple steps, which helps young children learn how to sequence steps and plan ahead. They memorize a specific order to the steps, and gradually add on more steps with age and experience.

• Cleaning Up - Part of the sequencing involves taking a tray off the shelf and putting it back on after. Even toddlers get practice with the full cycle of an activity: Taking the tray off the shelf, putting the material on a work mat, using the work, putting it back on the tray, and back on the shelf. These are wonderful habits to develop.

It’s important to note that just because a material is close-ended, doesn’t mean that it will always be used in the way intended. If no one or nothng is getting hurt, there is typically no problem with the material being used creatively. D prefers to pin poke inside the lines than on the dotted lines, and S might stack instead of nest blocks. Lots of “close-ended” materials end up being used in an open-ended way!

Photo by Megan Hooks Photography

Open-Ended Toys

That being said, most homes, including Montessori homes, also include plenty of open-ended materials, or toys. Examples of open-ended toys include magnatiles, objects from nature, art supplies, dolls, and cars. With these materials, there is no reason for us to show them how to play. These are often especially enjoyed more by children 2.5 and up, as they begin to play pretend, and tend to get more fun with age.

There are also a number of benefits of open-ended play:

• Creativity and Imagination - There are endless ways to use these materials. Children can come up with their own ideas of how to play with them and make up stories to go along with them. There are no limits.

• No Rules - Especially after a period of structure, such as school, open-ended toys can be a lovely reprieve and calming for children who just want to play without any rules or expectations. Without a right or wrong, this play can feel freeing.

• Processing events and stories - Open-ended toys and pretend play in general is such a great way for children to work through events, friendships, and new situations. It is also a way to retell stories or make up their own.

• Independent Play - Often this type of toy is the best for long periods of play while we get our own tasks done. With room for creativity, mess, and imaginative play, children can really get lost in their own little world with this kind of play.

Both types of toys can be wonderful for problem solving, finding calm, language, and social skills. Both kinds of toys are valuable and enjoyed by children. Balance is key!

A Montessori Approach to "Clean-up Time"

“How do you get your kids to clean up after themselves??” This is one of my most frequently asked questions. And one of the most frequent comments parents have when observing a Montessori classroom or home is how tidy it is. There are a few reasons for this.

1. Maria Montessori believed in providing a beautiful and orderly environment for children. Young children are able to focus better and feel more at peace when their spaces are clean.

2. Less clutter allows for more movement in the shared space.

3. Children are a part of the community, and that means we all help each other keep our shared space clean and safe. This includes cleaning up after ourselves.

Children are more willing to help clean up after themselves in a classroom vs. a home because rules and expectations are often more clear at school, and home is where they know they are safest and comfortable. That being said, there are many ways we can help our children, even toddlers, consistently clean up after themselves when playing at home too. Most children are capable of cleaning up after themselves by 18 months, but children can be increasingly independent with age and practice.

Have a place for everything - It is very important to have a specfic spot for everything. Our children can only put toys and materials away if they know exactly where it goes. It is especially helpful for children if they can see what’s available just by looking at the shelf, e.g. books facing outward, materials on trays, and toys in clear bins or wire baskets (see Polished Playhouse post!)

Only put out what they can put away - This often means minimizing what is out at a time. The amount that is displayed depends on the child - their age and their current interest in dumping vs. cleaning up after themselves. In general, less is more. A toddler can put away 8 blocks, but not 48. I always encourage rotating materials more often and having less out at one time to prevent toy and mess overload.

Model it - We are our children’s best role models and they are ALWAYS watching. If we slowly model putting a material back on the shelf before we choose a new one, they are far more likely to do so too. It is also helpful to think about how we model tidying up after ourselves throughout the day. If we leave our own spaces cluttered, they are more likely to as well.

Make it part of the routine - The more we incorporate it into our day, the less of an issue it becomes. Most days, clean up happens naturally as we play. The children know that we put one work away before choosing the next. When they are busy playing independently with open-ended toys, they know that we clean up before rest time, or at least before bedtime.

Wait for a Natural Pause - It’s important not to interrupt a child who is concentrating with something to remind them to put a work away. If my child hasn’t put a work away and has already moved on, I wait until they are done with the new work before pointing out the one that need to be put away. This lets them know we respect their work and their concentration while still following through on clean-up.

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Especially in a home versus a classroom, there are times when the children are playing independently, particularly with open-ended toys, when toys aren’t put away one at a time. This isn’t a bad thing, but it can lead to a bigger mess, and one that is harder for young children to initiate clean-up with. For S (17 mos), I simply continue to model. With D (3), here are some strategies I use:

Frame in the positive - When simple reminders are needed, I try to phrase in the positive instead of the negative. Instead of saying “You can’t ___ until you clean up!” I’d frame it in a positive light, e.g. “After you put these toys away we can make snack together!" That subtle difference makes a big difference.

Play a bell or Sing a song - Something about music makes everything feel easier and lighter. One tip is to ring a bell when it’s clean up time. Another is to sing a simple song together. These little tricks can make a big difference.

At the end of the day, we pick up toys, pick up toys, pick up toys

At the end of the day, we pick up toys, and put them all away.

Tomorrow we’ll take some out again, out again, out again

Tomorrow we’ll take some out again, and have fun when we play!

Offer choices - When there are toys all over, and it’s feeling overwhelming, it’s helpful to break it down and offer choices. For example, "Would you like to put away the blocks or trains? You choose." I typically help by cleaning up the one she doesn’t choose first.

Empathize - On that note, it’s important to show compassion. If our child is tired or hungry or just having a hard day, it’s okay to let the clean-up expectations go. In these instances I’ll say "It's been a long day. You can help or stay close to me while I tidy this up." That way, D is still involved in the process, seeing empathy modeled, but not forced into cleaning.

Keep in mind that all of this is a gradual process. I always recommend starting small, and giving them a little more responsibilty as they get used to being an active participant in the clean-up process. Our patience is key to clean-up being a positive and natural follow-up to play, rather than a battle of wills!

Learning to Count: One-to-One Correspondence

The first step in introducing the concept of counting and numbers is one-to-one correspondence. One-to-one correspondence is the ability to count while pointing to one object at a time. It is assigning a number to one and only one object at a time. This is not rote counting or memorization but rather truly understanding the meaning of numbers. Memorizing how to count to ten doesn’t help a child unless they know what those numbers represent.

As with all Montessori learning, we introduce counting/one-to-one correspondence in the concrete first, using tangible objects. It is much easier for young children to grasp new concepts when they can touch, see, and experience them with physical counters. Only once they grasp the concept in the concrete (e.g. they count three objects one by one) do we introduce the abstract number symbols.

I try to avoid assigning ages to these activities, as all toddlers and preschoolers learn one-to-one correspondence and recognize numbers on different timelines. I will say that basic one-to-one correspondence activities can begin around 2 years, while counting cards and number hunt activities are best for ages 3 and up. Typically children don’t have a true understanding of what number symbols represent until after 3 or even 4 years old.

Keep in mind that children learn so much of what they know organically, without us really “teaching” them at all. When you are on walks, having conversations, or reading books, you probably already naturally count objects you see. Keep it up! Pointing as you count makes it more concrete for children. I also want to note that this is not necessarily how every Montessori parent or teacher would introduce numbers. These ideas are a mix of traditional Montessori and Montessori-inspired, and have worked well in our home!

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Transferring and Matching - 1 to 1

This is one of the first activities you can do with your young toddler that teaches one-to-one correspondence. They are learning that one object corresponds to one space, and as they get older, are learning how to count the total objects. It is easy to set up with any kind of household object or object from nature, such as rocks or shells. When possible, we always start with objects or counters that are identical to each other. This helps to isolate the number from other variables such as color or shape. You can introduce more variety in the counters once they grasp the concept of the activity.

You can model for your toddler how you take one object from the bowl or basket and put it into one space on the tray. You want to be sure to have only the number of counters as the number of spaces in the tray, so that none are leftover (this enables toddlers to self-correct). It’s completely normal for young toddlers to place more than one counter in one space, or skip spaces. You don’t need to correct. You can model again sometime, and count up as you drop one counter in each space. It’s best to start small, with only three objects, and gradually use a full ice tray with 9 or more spaces. You can also add a fine motor challenge to this work with older toddlers by adding tongs for transferring.

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Counting Cards

Once your toddler has mastered basic transferring/one-to-one correspondence as described above, you could introduce counting boards or cards. As explained above, it’s important when introducing this type of activity to keep the counters uniform and to only have the number of counters as spaces to fill. These peg boards, counting boards, or printable counting cards, allow your toddler to practice one-to-one correspondence while also seeing the corresponding number symbol. This helps them to recognize numbers and learn that each symbol represents a specific number of objects.

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Number and Object Matching

Once D could master one-to-one correspondence with the same type of object (e.g. the pegs or the peas), we started to play a number/object matching game with these printable cards. This is a bit more complicated becuase each number corresponds to a differnet kind of object. These would be simple to make or draw with whatever objects you have around! More recently we did a version with nature objects. I always start with three or four, and then add on if and when she’s ready for more challenge.

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Number Hunt Activity

Now that D has a pretty good idea of numbers (1-10) and their associated quantity, her favorite game to play is I-Spy with these polka dot number cards. Before she recognized the symbol, I would just say the number out loud or we’d count the dots together. So for example, I’d say “Can you go find three peg dolls?” If she comes back with a different number I’ll say “Oh you brought back two peg dolls!” I would ask her to pick one more and then we’d count together. I try not to say “that’s wrong”, but rather work together to find the right number, or just let it go and show her another time if she isn’t quite ready. Now that she recognizes number symbols up to five, we do the same number hunt with the number cards. It’s always more fun when we are outside!

Note: there is NO rush to learn number symbols and there are ONLY meaningful if a child truly understands that the symbol represents a quantity. Always start with counting. True number symbol recognition and understanding will emerge naturally through these activities, often around 3 or 4.

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Freedom within Limits

Often in Montessori, we hear the phrase "follow the child”. This means we follow each child’s development, interests, needs, and abilities. Though we follow the child in many regards, we are ultimately their guide and not the other way around. Rather than give young children free rein, we give them freedom within limits.

“To let the child do as he likes when he has not yet developed any powers of control is to betray the idea of freedom.”

— Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind

Freedom Within Limits

Offering freedom within limits provides a comfortable balance between an overly structured environment and a chaotic one. What does freedom within limits mean? It means setting clear expectations and ground rules ahead of time, and following through. It means making and sticking to (flexible) routines. It means a secure, loving, and trusting relationship between child and adult. It also means providing age-appropriate choices and opportunities for self-mastery and independence.

Choices for our toddler in our Montessori home include:

• Limited but carefully selected toys and materials on her shelf

• A low cabinet (or now fridge!) with two snack options

• A dinner plate with several foods but no alternatives after the fact

• Two pairs of shoes or coats to choose from

• Options to choose sequence of events rather than event itself (e.g. brush teeth or bathtime first, but both are happening either way)

• Option to clean up a mess independently or together

Freedom within limits is especially relevant when we talk about letting children work in the kitchen, use real dishes, play with sensory materials, and have access to water. I receive many questions such as “Aren’t your floors covered in water?” “How do they keep their plates on the table?” “How do I get my kid to stop dumping out all their toys?” The short answer is freedom within limits.

Expectations / House Rules

The first step of freedom within limits is setting very clear expectations ahead of time. In our home, there are some “house rules” that we discuss often. This is something to think about ahead of time and talk to your partner about. What are the limits we want to set and what are the things we can just let go? I focus on safety of ourselves, each other, and the environment. I try to phrase things in the positive, and focus on what we can do rather than what we can’t. For example:

1. Water stays in the sink or the cup. If it spills, we clean it up. We can splash in the bath tub or water table.

2. Couches and chairs are for sitting. The Pikler triangle is for climbing.

3. We keep our plate on the table when we are eating. We can carry our plate to the compost or the counter when we are done.

4. Materials and books are handled with care and put back where they belong. If we want to throw, we can throw bean bags or balls.

5. We are kind to one another. We can offer gentle pats and hugs.

Preventing Unwanted Behavior

The second step of freedom within limits is prevention. It is much easier to stop a behavior from happening in the first place than dealing with it after. This often means staying close. I allow my children freedom and access around the house because I have made it a safe place and because I am there to supervise. I am not hovering, but I am usually available to stop D from walking away with her snack, or to stop S from dropping his plate on the floor before it happens. Sometimes though, prevention doesn’t work, or we miss the opportunity.

Consistency and Follow-Through

The third step in freedom within limits is consistent follow through and offering natural consequences. Once a house rule has been broken, I usually give one “try again” opportunity and then follow through with a natural consequence. For example, if D dumps water on the floor, I remind her that it stays in the sink. If it happens for the second time, she is all done at the sink and I remove the water source for the time being. If D pushes her brother, I first check on him and invite her to do the same. I remind her of gentle ways we can interact with each other. If she continues to push or try to push, I create separation and help her body move away from him, or pick him up.

I often use the words “I can’t let you _______. I need to keep you (and S) safe. We can _______ instead.” For example, “I see you want to jump on the couch. I can’t let you jump there. I need to keep you safe. Let’s jump on your stepping stones instead.” If she doesn’t respond or change her behavior, then I have to physically help her. I acknowledge her frustration and desire, but don’t budge on the house rules. We don’t have a lot of rules to begin with, but the ones we have are set up for our safety and sanity, and those we follow through on.

Freedom within Limits for Babies

Though much of this is related to toddlers, freedom within limits applies to babies as well. S can already make choices about which items he wants to play with from his shelf, or even within a basket of several teethers. He can choose which food he wants to pick up and eat from his plate. As he begins to cover more ground, he can access certain drawers and cabinets in our kitchen, while the unsafe ones are locked. He also has a big sister who is more than happy to remind him of our “house rules” as he begins to explore and test his limits. :)

What does freedom within limits look like in your home?

Choosing a Montessori School

I get asked about this a lot, and understandably so. Choosing the “right” Montessori school for your toddler or preschooler can be a real challenge! “Montessori” isn’t trademarked, so anyone can use the name in their school title, and thousands of schools do. Montessori in the name alone does not mean it is a Montessori school in the traditional sense. That may not matter to you, but if you’re looking for a more authentic Montessori experience, it’s important to know.

Simone Davies’ (The Montessori Notebook) Toddler Classroom

Although you can’t choose a school based on the name alone, there are various other Montessori trademarks and qualifications you can look for. There is of course no one size fits all, but in general, here are the attributes or factors that I look for when choosing or recommending a Montessori toddler or primary program:

Parents’ Instincts - This is the most important when it comes to childcare in general. Do you get a good feel for the place and from the teacher(s)? Do you sense a positive energy, happy children, and peaceful adults? Is the school clean and orderly? Montessori or not, you need to feel comfortable and safe leaving your child here.

Teaching Style - How does the teacher talk to the children? Montessori teachers are typically wonderful at communicating with the age group they are working with. Do they get down to the child’s level and speak to them with respect? Do they pause and listen to what the child has to say? Conversely, I would avoid schools and teachers that use rewards or punishments, or label children good or bad.

Montessori Trained Teachers - If you want a true Montessori experience, this is very important. The two trainings I look for are AMI or AMS certifications. (I have my AMS infant-toddler certification). The AMI training is a bit more traditional/rigid while the AMS training is a little more flexible, but in my opinion, the similarities outweigh the differences. Other teachers are trained through NAMC, which I’ve also heard good things about but don’t know as well myself. Assistants are not typically Montessori certified. An added bonus is if the school itself is affiliated with AMI or AMS.

Mixed-Age Classroom - Montessori classrooms have a wider age range in each class than is typical in other schools. A toddler class usually goes from 18 months to 2.5 or 3 years. A primary class goes from 3 to 6 years (includes kindergarten year). One of the wonderful things about mixed-age classrooms is that the younger students learn from the older ones, and the older students learn to teach the younger ones. It is so valuable for young children to have this experience, as well as consistency that spans across years.

Layout - Take a look at the classroom, or a few, and note how the room is organized. Is it clean, orderly, and spatious? Montessori classrooms should be inviting for the child, with shelves of organized trays and baskets and plenty of floor space and tables to work at. The furniture should be made of wood, with plenty of natural materials on the shelves. Montessori classrooms are typically not as bright, loud, and overstimulating as many other kinds of preschools.

Self-directed Play - If you are able, observe in the prospective classroom. Watch how the children interact with the materials, each other, and the teachers. Children in a Montessori classroom should be allowed to choose their own work, focus on it, and seek help when needed. Other children might be playing with friends or working alongside one another. Teachers come over to children one-by-one rather than talking over them. There should be a fairly long work cycle for self-directed play, in addition to time outdoors and time together for songs and meals.

Teacher Turnover Rate - Not specific to Montessori, but I always like to look at how long teachers have worked at the school. It’s normal and common for there to be some turnover, and for teachers to leave (like I did after a baby!) but it may be a red flag if there is frequent teacher turnover at the school, especially mid-year. Children do best at schools that teachers enjoy teaching at, and turnover rate is a pretty good indication of that.

Montessori Children’s House of Valley Forge - Primary Classroom

Note: most Montessori schools do not offer super part-time schedules. This is because children thrive on consistency and routine. However, they do exist and some schools offer flexibility. We were lucky to find a program where D can go a few mornings a week, as that works best for our family right now. She does well with part-time because we model our home in such a similar way, so routines aren’t constantly changing between home and school. It can be really challening for toddlers who have different rules and routines at home to then have to “re-learn” the routine at school each week for the two days they attend. It can also be difficult for a Montessori program to afford such part-time options. I hope that helps you understand why Montessori schools often insist on 4-5 day programs, as well as the importance of consistency for small children. Good luck in your search, and feel free to reach out with questions.

Montessori from Scratch

I often get the question, “I want to incorporate Montessori at home but how do I start?” There is so much out there about Montessori these days that it can be overwhelming to even know where to begin. My hope is that this blog post gives you a few ideas of how to incorporate Montessori at home, beyond the fancy Montessori materials.

Allow for Free Movement

Set up your home or a room(s) in your home where your baby or child is free to explore without constant supervision, saying “No!”, or fear of getting into something unsafe. Janet Lansbury calls this a “yes space”. This could be a playroom, your living room, or most of the house. I find it’s easiest to baby or child-proof the whole living area as well as the kitchen/dining area, as that’s where we spend the time as a family. Keep unsafe items out of reach or in baby-proofed cabinets, while leaving other shelves and drawers open with toys or safe household items for them to explore. If they need to climb, provide safe furniture, cushions, or climbing toys that you can redirect them to. We want our children to feel like a part of the family, so we typically avoid confined play pens and instead, allow (limited) free range.

Observe and Rotate

Giant bins of toys or sheer number of toys can be overstimulating for many babies and children. Rather than put out all your toys at once, observe what your child uses and ignores, and rotate materials accordingly. Rotating also makes old toys new again, which helps to keep your child engaged. While some materials may always stay available, such as blocks, vehicles, and/or dolls, most can be rotated in and out. Find a closet where you can store materials and toys not currently being used, and place 8-12 materials on a low shelf or bookcase for your child to explore. By observing your child with materials, you can learn a lot about their development, abilities, and interests. How often you rotate depends on your child’s interest in the materials and how often you are home, but I tend to rotate about half the materials every 2-3 weeks.

Provide Opportunities for Independence

Try to imagine you are your child's size. What would you need to be able to accomplish a task yourself? Does your child have a way to reach the sink to wash their hands? Can they pick out their own socks and shoes? Is there a mirror at their level to see themselves when they dress? Do they have access to washcloths to wipe up spills? Any small task to you is an important and meaningful task to a toddler. They feel so empowered when we give them these small opportunities for independence. For babies, think about ways they can freely move, access their own toys, or feed themselves.

Be Your Child’s Guide

There is a reason Montessori teachers are called Guides. The child is in charge of their own learning, and the adult is there to help guide and support the child. Rather than always telling your child what to do, give them a chance to work through tasks and problems themselves. Only step in when they ask for your help. When they do need help, offer prompting questions such as "Where do you think that goes?" or "What comes next?" rather than automatically doing it for them. When modeling something new, slow way down and emphasize your actions while using few words, so they are able to watch and learn from you. Guiding also means getting down to the child's level and speaking to them gently in a way they understand. It helps to remember that the way we talk to our children is the way they will talk to others.

Offer Real Tasks and Tools

While toys are wonderful (and just so beautiful!), often babies’ and toddlers’ favorite activities are regular household items and activities. Babies love kitchen utensils, brushes, keys, and cords more than anything. Toddlers love washing windows, making snack, doing dishes, and sorting laundry way more than we do. Involve them in household tasks with you, or let them try by themselves. The more “real” the task and the tools we give them, the more capable, confident, and joyful they are. We show them respect and belonging in our family when we give them glasses and dishes rather than sippy cups and plastic. They may not be as careful or complete as we are, but the effort and enthusiasm they put in is admirable and worth celebrating. Mastery comes with a lot of practice and patience.

It may also help to read my posts, What is Montessori for infants and toddlers?, Praise vs. Acknowledgment, Montessori for Grandparents and Caregivers, and Montessori on a Budget for more broad overviews. If you have an infant or toddler, you might also find the monthly Montessori Guides helpful, for Montessori materials and activity suggestions month by month.

Montessori at Home on a Budget

This is one of the most common questions I am asked. It’s hard for me to reply with a short answer because there are actually so many ways to implement Montessori at home on a budget! Montessori is about so much more than fancy materials and beautiful shelfies. See this blog post about a few key principles of Montessori, mostly not having to do with toys. Here are just a few of the ways to implement Montessori at home, that happen to also work on a budget:

Parenting style - This is the most important one. Montessori is an education/parenting philosophy and a way of life. The most “Montessori” thing you can do for your child is to be a gentle guide: following their interests, supporting their learning, setting appropriate limits, and showing them love and respect. This can also mean stepping back and helping only when asked or needed. Toddlers, especially, are much happier when they are allowed ample time and space to work, play, make choices, and figure things out for themselves.

D figuring out how to put on her shoes in her designated coat & shoe spot next to the front door.

Practical Life - Toddlers love to be given opportunities for independence. This is the core of a Montessori toddler and even young primary environment, and so easy, inexpensive, and fun to implement at home. Even young toddlers love to mimic the “chores” we do, so why not slow down and invite them to join in? Remember that toddlers find joy and meaning in the process, so try to let go of the final product for now; they will get there in time. Here are just a few ways your toddler can help around the house.

Outdoors - There is so much to be gained from spending time outside with kids, even babies! Starting when D could walk, I have loved having her take the lead on nature walks. It’s so sweet to see the world from her point of view. Toddlers are interested in every little thing, from the mud on the ground to the tiny weed sprouting up to the sound of the bird you didn’t even hear yourself. It’s a full sensory learning experience when you get outdoors. I am all about the phrase “there’s no such thing as bad weather; just inappropriate clothing”.

Simplify the play space - Rather than buy more toys, we recommend rotating toys in a Montessori environment. “Old” toys can be new again if they’ve been hiding in the toy storage closet for a couple of months. Toys in general are more inviting for children if they are displayed individually rather than in a large box. It is overstimulating for many young children to have too many toys out at once or in one giant toy bin. You also don’t need a fancy shelf to display your toys on. While my husband built our shelf, I’ve seen toys placed below coffee tables, on a couple low shelves of built-ins or a larger bookcase, or even re-purposing crates or shoe racks. Our shelves are in our living room, as we don’t have a play room. You can make any space work!

DIY shelf. Book display and chair from IKEA.

DIY - I find a lot of do-it-yourself ideas on Pinterest. I try to share some favorites there, so feel free to follow me there! It’s amazing the toys you can make with pom-poms, cardboard, or empty jars. Babies adore kitchen tools and toddlers love opening/closing empty containers. You can DIY beyond toys as well. I also like to make my own crochet baskets (tutorial here). My husband makes a lot of our furniture, which has been a nice money-saver for us. You can find tutorials for woodworking most anything online, such as this low shelf or Pikler climber. There are also lots of IKEA hacks, such as this one for a learning tower. Or for a weaning table, simply shorten the legs of an IKEA kids table.

DIY bed frame by my husband and floor cushion made by fellow Montessori mom, Nursling Co

Find lightly used toys and furniture online - I am part of a local moms Facebook page where parents are often posting free or inexpensive toys, furniture, and other supplies that their children are no longer using. There are also sites such as Offer Up. Even Craigslist has a toy section that is worth checking out. I’ve seen plenty of toys listed that are still in their original packaging! I’ve heard that Montessori schools/teachers occasionally post materials there if they are closing/retiring. You could also talk to mom friends about doing a toy swap, to make old toys new again for each others’ kids.

Our coat closet became our toy storage closet. I love lending toys out to mama friends!

Consignment shops, IKEA, and Target - I’ve always been pleasantly surprised when I’ve checked out local consignment stores. I have found quite a few Melissa and Doug wooden toys, small animal figurines, and other great vintage finds. It’s also a great way to find small dishes, baskets, and trays! IKEA is excellent for things like small dishes, bowls, work rugs, and of course, furniture. They even have some cute toys. Additionally, Target is your friend. I always find kids decor, art supplies, and even small cooking or practical life supplies in the Dollar Spot section and beyond.

IKEA kids kitchen turned functional kitchen. Flower arranging is a wonderful and free activity!

Montessori Discount Stores - Lastly, there are online shops such as Montessori Outlet and Alison’s Montessori, that have discounted traditional Montessori materials worth checking out. Keep in mind these materials aren’t cheap, but they are less expensive versions.

Encouraging Independent Play

Promoting independence is a key component of Montessori, in large part, because it allows the child to feel respected, capable, and content. One of the best ways to encourage independence is through play. If toddlers can feel comfortable and confident playing on their own, they will also feel capable of other tasks on their own. Play is such valuable time for children to learn, imagine, take chances, and make mistakes and then do-overs. For my husband and I, it’s important to raise kids who are able to play by themselves and create fun with what is available, rather than need entertainment to find joy. It’s about finding the right balance for your family. While I love engaging in activities with my children, I also really appreciate being able to complete a task myself without a clinging child. Even better is the feeling that we don’t need to rush into my toddler’s bedroom in the morning, because she is happy to play with her dolls or flip through books in her room, just as she is before she falls asleep.

It’s never too early or too late to encourage meaningful, independent play. Here are some tips for promoting independent play in babies, toddlers, and beyond.

A “Yes Space”

This term was coined by Janet Lansbury. We want to create a space that is safe for your child to play freely. It’s nearly impossible to expect a child to play independently if we have to keep hovering and telling them “no”. Whether it’s your living room or a play room, babies and toddlers need to play in a space where they can safely explore. Ideally, children have acccess to most of the house, safely. When D has gone through phases of not being interested in her toys, she does explore the drawers in the kitchen accessible to her, uses our child-size swiffer to dry mop the floor, or “reorganizes” our pantry. Anything that is unsafe to her is kept locked or up high. As long as she isn’t causing harm or a major mess, she is okay playing in our main living area, with her toys, or not.

Appropriate Toys

Children (including babies) are more likely to engage with a toy if it is just the right level of challenge for them. Too easy, and they are bored. Too difficult, and they get frustrated. Different children have different thresholds for challenges as well. If we want our children to engage in play on their own, we have to set up an inviting and challenging environment for them. If you aren’t sure where to start, The Montessori Guide offers month by month activities, up to 21 months (soon to be 24 months!). Additionally, rotating the shelves (a few toys at a time, as needed) helps to keep their environment interesting. If your child is really struggling to play on their own, consider starting with open-ended toys (such as magnets or blocks) or toys with movement (such as a car tracker), that engage almost all ages and types of children.

“Together Time”

I find D is much more open to playing on her own when she’s already had some quality time with me. This was especially true during her more clingy phases. Each day I try to set up some time for her and I to engage in play together (when I’m showing her a new work or we are prepping food together) and some time for her to play alone when I’m trying to get something done (or just nursing s!). Even with S, I apply this kind of balance: I spend a lot of time holding and snuggling him, but other times I let him lie down and gaze at his mobile or look around on his tummy. Even diaper changes and potty breaks can count as quality one-on-one time if we are focusing our attention on our child.

Make Play a Habit

This may seem obvious, but sometimes we forget or get too busy to make play a part of the daily routine. Play doesn’t have to be with Montessori toys in a Montessori environment; it can also be exploring nature or playing with cardboard boxes. The important thing is that we allow children to have time to just be themselves and explore their own environment each day. Toddlers, especially, thrive on figuring things out for themselves, so we don’t need to “play for them”. Even if you’re sitting with your child playing, avoid fixing or correcting their play. We want them to feel like their play or work matters, which will in turn make them more excited to play on their own. If your child is only in the habit of playing with you, start small by just moving a few feet, or only leave for a minute, and gradually increase as they get more comfortable playing on their own.

Limit Over-Stimulation

It may seem counter-intuitive, but often the more a child interacts with a screen or electronic toys, the more “bored” they are. When children, even toddlers, get used to the sensory overload that TV shows and loud, blinking toys provide, they can develop a shorter attention span in general. This then translates to less interest and ability to concentrate on more active and independent types of play. This isn’t always the case, but it can be. In our family, we do not make screen time a part of our day. But you have to do what works for your family, and sometimes that includes screens. :)

With all this being said, it’s helpful to remember that babies, toddlers, and children of all ages go through periods of wanting to be more or less independent. When D was around 18 months old, she went through a major separation anxiety phase, and was not interested in playing alone. I continued to encourage her to play on her own but didn’t force it. I still let her know when I needed to separate myself to finish a chore and I let her choose to follow and watch me or play by herself. For a while, she just followed me. Over the course of a month or so, she gradually began to enjoy her independent play time again. Like all aspects of raising children, phases come and go.

Praise vs. Acknowledgment in a Montessori Home

Praise (or lack thereof) is a topic that often comes up in Montessori discussions, and in my Instagram messages. I do not say much out loud in my videos of D working, which is typically intentional. When she is concentrating, I do not want to interrupt, and especially not with my own judgment of her work. Most of all I try* to avoid “Good job!” That is not to say I don’t think it or feel proud when she matches the flowers correctly, or climbs over the Pikler triangle like a champ. But I want her to be able to focus on her own efforts and feelings about it rather than focus on mine. When she’s finished with her work and looks up to me, I acknowledge it with something like “You matched all the flowers to the cards! You look really happy” or “You climbed over the Pikler for the first time!” and she feels the pride all on her own.

* we all say good job sometimes, and that’s okay :)

In a Montessori environment, it is the norm for adults to acknowledge accomplishments and encourage efforts rather than praise or offer rewards. As mentioned above, the idea is for children to learn how to take pride in their own accomplishments, rather than only put in effort for adult praise or external rewards. Rewards take away a child’s intrinsic motivation, or desire to work on something just because it feels good to do so. In contrast, Acknowledgment allows a child to assess their own work, and feel satisfied or proud for themselves. Additionally, acknowledgments or encouragements are specific to the activity or effort at hand, rather than vague like “I’m so proud of you!”. The specificity (e.g. “You are working really hard on putting on your shoes by yourself!”) makes our comments more meaningful to our children.

Acknowledging the effort our children put into something rather than the end result also encourages them to seek out challenges. Conversely, praising our children for a job well done often leads them to avoid challenges for fear of making a mistake and not being “good enough”. Carol Dweck, a developmental psychologist at Stanford coined the terms “growth mindset” vs. “fixed mindset” to describe these differences. A child with a growth mindset believes that they can work hard at something to get better at it; a child with a fixed mindset believes they are either good or bad at something, and they can’t change that. Unsurprisingly, children with growth mindsets are more motivated, confident, and high-achieving.

How do we help our young children develop a growth mindset? It comes back to how, or if, we praise. Instead of praising or rewarding the outcome, we can praise or acknowledge the effort or process. We want to convey to our children that we notice and value how hard they work at something, and the steps they took to get there. We want them to know that mistakes are not just okay, but necessary, in learning a new skill. This really helps me think about how I parent D and how we can all help toddlers become self-assured and challenge-seeking children.

Lastly I’ll just share with you some of the phrases we use at home to help cultivate a growth mindset and acknowledge or encourage efforts rather than praise or assert my judgment:

It looks like you really enjoyed that work!

I can see you worked really hard on that activity.

You did it (all by yourself)!

It’s so nice to see how proud and happy you are.

You put your work away, so now we can go make dinner!

That was really helpful how you set your own table.

For my favorite parenting/Montessori philosophy books, check out the end of this blog post!

What Are Sensitive Periods?

“When a particular sensitiveness is aroused in a child, it is like a light that shines on some objects but not others, making of them his whole world” - Maria Montessori

One of the most discussed phrases in Montessori is “sensitive periods“. In short, a sensitive period is a phase or window in a child’s development when they are most capable of and responsive to absorbing a certain skill.

There are a variety of sensitive periods in childhood, but here are some that apply to toddlers. These include but are not limited to:

• Large Movement: birth to 2.5

• Language: birth to 6

• Toileting: 1 to 2.5

• Small objects: 1 to 3

• Order: 1.5 to 4

• Refinement of Senses: 2 to 6

• Grace and Courtesy: 2 to 6

• Refinement of Movement: 2.5 to 4.5

• Social Skills: 2.5 to 5

• Learning to Write: 3.5 to 4.5

• Learning to Read: 4.5 to 5.5

• Math: 4 to 6

Before going into some these in more depth, it can help to know how to spot a sensitive period. Though there are general time frames for each of these periods, every child is a bit different in their development. You’ll know when your child is in a sensitive period because they are engaged, passionate, and energized by working on this specific activity or skill, and often return to it again and again. It can help to keep these sensitive periods in mind to better understand your toddler’s “tricky” behaviors too.

When a child isn’t permitted to exercise their sensitive periods, they will likely throw tantrums to demonstrate their unmet needs to fulfill their interests and goals for that period. They may also lose the ease of doing and interest for the activities related to developing that skill. If they miss the sensitive period of window, they will likely still develop those skills, but will take longer and with more effort and less joy. (For example, adults know how much harder it is to learn one new language than it is for toddlers to learn two languages at the same time.)

Sensitive Period for Large Movement: Birth to 2.5 years

From birth to two and a half years, children show a sensitive period for movement. It is easy to see this in the great effort infants put in as they quickly transition from lying to rolling to sitting to crawling to pulling up. They use their hands in different ways to explore their environment and materials with more precision every day. Through the second year, toddlers continue this self-motivated movement but with more refinement, coordination, and control. Toddlers’ need to move and exert energy often seems limitless, and it practically is.

D was a late crawler and walker, so her first year was all about fine motor. Now, as a toddler, she is going through a huge sensitive period for gross motor. Every day includes a combination of a toddler-led walk, sliding at the playground, carrying heavy objects around the house, and climbing up and down the stairs on repeat. Giving her these opportunities to exercise her large movements gives her the ability to focus on her smaller work as well as eat and sleep better.

Sensitive Period for Small Objects: 1 to 3 years

Any parent of a toddler has probably noticed this one - they love tiny things. As soon as babies begin to move, they seem to notice every little speck on the floor, and need to pick it up. Toddlers find nothing more fascinating than collecting small rocks and picking every tiny flower. While parents often worry about choking hazards, reacting with panic or ripping small objects out of your toddlers’ hand will only lead to tantrums. We can give our toddlers supervised time to hold and inspect small objects to fulfill this need. Toddlers need this time to tune into the details of everything, and see those smallest features, changes, and qualities up close. They are not only learning about their fascinating environment, but also working on those much-needed fine motor skills and developing their concentration.

Most of D’s favorite works include small objects right now, and at first with reminders (now without), she knows to keep them in her hand. Our rock collection is quite impressive these days. ;) Just the other day she found a tiny lock and key in our drawer, and rather than take it away, I observed her and watched with interest as she used her tiny hands to fit the lock inside and then sigh with huge satisfaction as she went on to repeat this a dozen more times. These little opportunities to work with small objects are huge for her development.

Sensitive Period for Toileting: 1 to 2.5 years

This does not mean that toilet learning can’t happen after 2.5 years, but rather that the toddlers are quicker and more interested in the toilet before 2.5 years (usually before 2 years even). Children develop an awareness of their bodily functions around a year and can usually control their bladder and bowels pretty well by 18 months. Toddlers between one and two years also want to imitate everything we do, and this often includes the toilet, so it’s a great time to take advantage of that. If we start toileting during this sensitive period, we can avoid using bribes and rewards, and instead, rely on their own intrinsic motivation.

Though it’s been a longer process, I am really glad we started toilet learning with D before 18 months, because now, at 21 months, she’s in underwear full-time (except for sleep). There are still some accidents and sure to be more regressions (especially once baby 2 arrives), but we’ve avoided any huge struggle over it. You can read more about this process in previous blog posts.

Sensitive Period for Order: 1.5 to 4 years

Routine to their day is a big component of toddlers’ need for order. Montessori explains, “It is necessary for the child to have this order and stability in his environment because he is constructing himself out of the elements of the environment.” Toddlers crave routine and order in their environment because it provides a safe base from which they are explore everything else in the constantly changing (and big) world. External order helps toddlers and young children develop internal mental order. This is why Montessori environments have a more minimal look to them, and a specific place for everything.

D is deep in this sensitive period right now. She is very particular about the placement of her things. She actually corrected me when I tried to put one of her materials back in a different spot or when I put her shoes in the “wrong” basket. I also find the days that we stick to her routine are much happier than the days we are in and out of the car or when she isn’t sure what’s coming next. Keeping up with our regular schedule most days, giving her a heads up when we can’t, and always having a consistent bedtime routine helps her tremendously with this need for order.

Introducing New Materials to a Toddler

Just as important as the materials in the Montessori environment is the way in which we present those materials to the child. In an early childhood classroom (age 3-6), Montessori guides use a more formal method for teaching, called the Three Period Lesson. As I explain in my blog post about introducing new vocabulary, we often modify the three period lesson to a two period lesson for toddlers. In introducing new objects and vocabulary to D, I first label each object clearly and slowly. I then ask her (in various ways) to find each object (e.g. Can you put the eagle in the basket?” or “Where is the eagle’s beak?”) Unless I’m sure she knows the word, I do not ask her “What is this?” because it is often difficult and intimidating for newly verbal toddlers to answer, and makes the activity less enjoyable for her. I discuss other language activities in my previous blog post as well.

The three (or two) part lesson works well for some types of materials, such as labeling these forest animal figurines, but not others. With a toddler, lessons often aren’t formal, because they aren’t sitting still for long, and are usually eager to jump into trying it themselves. That being said, there are some general steps I take in introducing a new material, that seem to be fairly consistent across type of activity…

1. Set up the new material on a tray or in a basket so that it’s inviting and “incomplete”, e.g. puzzle pieces are out of puzzle or nesting cups are unstacked. (Or, if practical life, set up at her small kitchen or weaning table).

2. Bring D’s attention to the material. If she’s interested, I slowly model how it works/how it is to be used. (If she’s not interested, I wait for another time.) I use minimal words, so that the focus is on my hands, not my voice. It is difficult for toddlers to process both at the same time. For example, with the shape/color sorter above, I might point to the cylinder in my hand, label it “cylinder”, point to the cylinder inset, trace my hand around the circle of the cylinder and inset, and then slowly place the cylinder in the inset. I might say “The cylinder fits!” I would repeat with the remaining shapes and colors. Now that she can match the shapes, I might point out the size/color difference as well, but there’s no rush on this!

3. I “undo” my work, again slowly, placing each piece back on the tray or in the bakset. I might label with minimal words again, such as noting the color, shape, or a simple action “I put the triangular prism back in the basket!”

4. Once the material is set-up on the tray or in the basket, I give it to D to use and explore. At this point, I don’t interrupt. Sometimes she imitates my actions and is engrossed in the activity, and other times she uses the material in her own way, which is just fine. I let her play with it as she wishes to.

5. If she attempts to imitate the actions she saw me do, but struggles, I wait, and often she self-corrects (see note below regarding control of error). Or, if she signals that she wants help, I do show her again, or help guide her. I only intervene if she asks for me to though. I try to encourage her to figure things out for herself, so that she doesn’t come to rely on me doing things for her. Sometimes this means keeping a little distance while she works. This provides her the opportunity to feel confident and capable in her own abilities.

6. If she completes the work, but mixes pieces up or does it in the wrong order, I don’t fix it for her (unless she asks, as noted above). I let her “complete” the work as she sees fit. When she’s done playing with it, I might model it again correctly another time.

Note: many traditional Montessori materials include a built-in control of error. This means that the materials allow the child to self-correct because they provide instant feedback about whether it is completed correctly or not. A classic example is the knobbed cylinders. If a child places one cylinder in the incorrect place, he will not be able to fit all the cylinders into the block. This will allow him to re-arrange the cylinders in the block to ensure they all fit. This opportunity for self-correction provides toddlers (and older children) independence, curiosity, satisfaction, and confidence in their work.

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What is Montessori for Babies and Toddlers?

When people ask me to briefly describe Montessori and why it’s different, I usually stumble over my words. My husband says I need an “elevator pitch”, and I’ve yet to make one. If anyone has a great one, let me know! What I can do is try to describe Montessori in bullet points. I’ve been getting a lot of questions about the Montessori philosophy in general, and suggestions for further reading on the topic. I hope that by describing a few of the key elements of Montessori and including some resources below, I can provide parents new to Montessori a little more insight. And please let me know what else you’d like to know in the comments section! I also always like to add that while I am obviously a big proponent of Montessori, do what works for your family, and remember that there is no perfect way, or perfect parent!

6 Key Elements of Montessori Philosophy for infants and toddlers:

Respect for the child: This is the most important element of Montessori, and parenting in general. Respect for infants and toddlers comes in many forms in a Montessori environment. It includes a beautiful and inviting space for our child to play in. It also includes making children feel like important and contributing members of our family or community. Respecting the child means speaking and interacting with our child in a gentle and loving way, and in words they can relate to. Lastly, this includes respecting each child’s individual development and pace/style of learning, whether at home or at school.

Observation: Taking the time to observe each child allows us to assess their individual needs and interests - social, emotional, and developmental. These observations give us the information we need to prepare a proper environment for each child's development, and to rotate materials and activities as they grow and their interests change. We might notice that our baby is constantly making animal sounds, especially the dog and cat. To take advantage and expand this interest, we can find materials such as wooden puzzles, books, and animal figurines of pets for our baby to explore. Observation can especially come in handy when our child is “acting out”. For example, if our toddler is throwing all their toys off their shelf, that tells us that 1. we might want to simplify their shelf or reduce the number of materials and 2. give them other opportunities to throw, such as balls into a laundry basket.

Preparation of environment: Maria Montessori said, “the greatest sign of success for a teacher... is to be able to say, 'The children are now working as if I did not exist”. Instead of the teacher or parent at the center, Montessori describes a triangular interaction among the adult, child, and environment. The adult is the connection between the child and their environment, inviting them in. This is in part why teachers are called guides in Montessori. With a prepared environment and carefully chosen materials, the child can explore their environment (at home or school) and use their materials with minimal assistance. This kind of environment promotes curiosity, concentration, and independence early on. 

Order: In a world that is so big and often overwhelming, infants and toddlers are usually happiest when they have order and structure to their day. This includes organization of their environment and routines. In Montessori classrooms and homes, all of the children’s materials have a specific place in their environment, and there is a consistent daily schedule. The idea is that infants and children come to know what to expect and feel more secure with that knowledge. With that security, the child has the confidence to seek out independent play and take on new challenges. Of course we can’t always keep our environment perfectly organized or our days structured (nor should we), but the more we can do, the more calm and confident our child will feel.

Independence and Choice: Whenever possible, children are given a chance to do things for themselves before the adult steps in. A common quote in Montessori communities is “help me to do it by myself”. We, as adults, are there to model and guide, but not to take over our child’s work. Giving infants and toddlers time and opportunities to exert their independence promotes their self-confidence and self-reliance. You can see the delight and pride on a toddler’s face when they put their own shoes on for the first time. One simple way to give your child more independence is to give them choices rather than directions. For example, “Would you like to get in your pajamas or brush your teeth first?” rather than “It’s time to get ready for bed”.

Intrinsic Motivation: In a Montessori environment, adults try to acknowledge accomplishments rather than praise or offer rewards for doing something “good”. For example, an adult might say “You stacked those blocks really high!” or “I see you worked really hard at putting on your coat” rather than “Good job!” or “I’m so proud of you!” The idea is for children to learn how to take pride in their own accomplishments, rather than only put in effort for adult praise or external rewards. Acknowledging the effort they put into something rather than the end result also encourages children to seek out challenges more often, and to do activities because it feels good rather than because they want praise.

Further Reading:

Montessori from the Start

The Absorbent Mind

How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way

The Montessori Toddler (pre-order for March)

The Whole-Brain Child

Elevating Childcare: A Guide to Respectful Parenting

Positive Discipline: The First 3 Years

Here is a lovely peek into a Montessori classroom:

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!