Playground Etiquette

As the weather warms and restrictions ease up, the playgrounds are filling back up with families. For many children, and parents, this might be challenging to navigate, particularly after a pandemic year. Challenges include following playground rules, social expectations, safety issues, and having to finally leave the park. How do we allow our children independence to explore while helping them navigate social and safety expectations? How do we help them build confidence, both in their body and social skills?

Establish Park Rules Early

Decide on your general playground rules ahead of time and discuss them with your child. This will vary by age, with simple but clear limits for toddlers and room for discussion and independent choices for preschoolers and up. Here are some examples of questions you might ask yourself:

• Are there any areas of the park or playground that are off-limits?

• Are you okay with your child going up or down the slide when another child is at the bottom?

• Does this rule change if the slide is busy and there is a line forming?

• Will you and your child wear masks? Shoes? Sunscreen?

Observing vs. Hovering

This will also depend on the age of your child. With infants, we can shadow them but let them take the lead in exploring and play. With toddlers, we can stay back but remain nearby to offer help or enforce rules as needed. With preschoolers, we can stay in a predictable and visible location and keep an ear out, while also enforcing rules as needed.

With each age group, we want to let them follow their own body’s limits, giving them a sense of confidence and capability. This means rather than placing them up on a high tower, letting them climb up however high they can on their own. In general, children can get down independently if they can get up independently. If we place them up high, they often feel stuck and rely on our help.

When there are other parents nearby, it can help to not all hover together around the children. This often leads to parents feeling pressured to intervene unnecessarily. Instead take a step back if there is already an adult close by or if you are interested, chat with the other parents! You can both step back and give your children some space to play while you talk with one another. The park is agreat place for parents and children to make friends and find community.

Social Conflicts

It is normal for small conflicts to arise between children at the playground. Often children have different ideas about how to use the playground equipment or want to use the same thing at the same time. There is no need to intervene in every instance. Often, even young toddlers can work out their issues without adult intervention. By preschool age, it’s important to give them a chance to problem solve, as this is the most effective way for children to develop their social problem-solving skills.

However, there are times when a child is getting hurt, physically or emotionally, and it’s appropriate to intervene and make sure everyone is feeling heard and safe. For example, if my toddler is blocking the slide, I would first point out that another child is waiting. If they still didnt move, I would gently move their body. If my preschooler is blocking the slide and I happen to be close to her I might say “It looks like someone is waiting for a turn, it’s time to hop down so that they can slide.” If I’m not nearby I would let it be (and hope that they communicate to each other). If they end up crashing into each other, I would still pause, but if it looks like someone is hurt or upset I would go over to give comfort and brainstorm solutions for next time with them. 

Often conflicts arise over sand (or other personal) toys. If there are a lot of children, I prefer not to bring sand toys that my children might feel “ownership” over or might get taken on accident. When we do bring sand toys in a smaller setting, we talk about how it’s okay to let other children use these sand toys in this shared space. I encourage turn taking but don’t force sharing or giving back (until it’s time for us to leave). It’s okay for rules and expectations to be a little more relaxed in a public setting.

If one of my children is upset by something another child did, I offer comfort to them and let them stay with me as long as they need. I don’t say anything to the other child or parent (that’s not my job); I just verbally acknowledge what happened. Once they have recovered, we often move on to a different activity.

Leaving the Park

The hardest part of a playground visit for my kids is often saying goodbye. It’s tough to leave a really fun place! It can help to give children a heads up a bit before it’s time to leave. As toddlers don’t understand the concept of time, we can let them know there is time for one more activity before we go and let them choose. If they don’t want to leave the slide specifically, we can let them know how many more turns will happen before going home (or they can choose the number!) When the time comes to leave, it can help to say “bye bye” to the playground/slide/etc.

With children who are preschool age, timers can work well. We can let them know we are setting the timer for 5 minutes and when it rings, we are going home. Sometimes giving them one more heads up before the timer goes off (e.g. 5 minutes and then 2 minutes) is helpful too. Lastly, we can talk about when we will come back to this playground again, so that saying goodbye is only temporary.

Sometimes, even with warnings, children are upset about leaving the playground. Although it’s tempting to just let them play longer, it’s important to stick to our limit. If we continue to budge on the time, our children will remember that and expect that limit to budge the next time too. When we are consistent about our limits, they trust our words more, and feel less desire to test.

If they are upset when it’s time to leave we can simply listen and acknowledge. “You really want to stay at the park. It has been such a fun afternoon at the playground. You are upset about leaving.” If you feel any embarassment in this public setting, know that every single parent has or will be in that exact place too. Let your child feel their feels and help their body if needed.

Sleep and Floor Bed Tips with Sleep Consultant Megan Kumpf

I am really excited to do something new here and share an interview with a fellow mama and pediatric sleep consultant, Megan Kumpf. Megan is a mom of three young children, so she knows just how tough (but important) sleep is! She has worked with all kinds of families, including those who have chosen floor beds for their toddlers. If you’d like to know more about Megan, you can read about her bio on the Sleepwise Consulting website. She generously offers a FREE 15-minute evaluation call so go ahead and schedule your call with her!

S’ room at 12 months old

My own children have slept on floor beds since 6 months old. (They are now 12 months and almost 3 years) We chose to use floor beds for a few reasons. A big one is that they promote independence and freedom within limits (read more about that principle here). While the children do have more space to explore, they also learn appropriate boundaries of that freedom. We set clear, consistent expectations around bedtime and sleep. With this, the children feel secure, capable of putting themselves to sleep, trusted, and respected (not to mention they allow for a few extra cuddles at their level before tucking them in for the night!) That being said, floor beds are not a necessity for independent sleep. I believe every family needs to do what works for them, and allows them to get the rest they need while ensuring the children are sleeping safely.

With both of our children, we started setting up healthy sleep habits very early on so they have been comfortable putting themselves to sleep since young babies. As Megan talks about, this doesn’t mean abandoning them to cry on end. It is a gradual process that involves routines, consistency, wake times, a conducive sleep environment. More than anything, it’s having confidence in our children and giving the chance they deserve to learn how to sleep well, and independently.

Whether you have a newborn, toddler, or preschooler, Megan has tips for you on how to help your child get the sleep they (and you!) need, floor bed or not. If you would like a personalized sleep plan or have further questions for her, I highly recommend scheduling your FREE 15-minute evaluation call and going from there! Without further ado, here is our interview:

D’s room at almost 3 years old

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Hi Megan! What would you say your mission is?

At Sleep Wise, as a group of Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultants, our mission is to give tired parents the tools they need to teach their children how to sleep 11-12 hours through the night. Sleep is not a luxury. Sleep is a necessity for healthy growth and development and I love being able to coach people through that. 

 Why have you chosen to help families get the rest they need? What would you say are the biggest benefits to a well-rested family?

I became a Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant because I love to help people and I saw the benefits first hand, of being a well-rested family. My first baby was a unicorn sleeper, he just got it! My second baby was not and it took some digging with Sleep Wise to find the answers. When given the missing pieces to the sleep puzzle, it was a wonderful turn around. Being a well-rested family benefits all areas of life- play, school, and work. A well-rested family is happier. Research shows sleep brings happiness, because your brain is ready to focus, learn and explore. When our bodies miss the sleep they need we often become angry, stressed and unhappy. I love the predictability that independent sleep skills bring a family, you know your child will sleep and rest well. Lastly, the time in the evening after my kids are in bed is so valuable. When I lay my kids down and kiss them goodnight I know they will wake up in the morning from a full night’s sleep ready to enjoy the day. This also gives me time without the kids to recharge, spend time with my husband, or work with my clients.

 How much sleep do babies and children need at different ages? Does this vary widely from child to child?

 Sleep does vary a bit child to child. Some little ones have lower sleep needs and some have higher and that’s ok! They just need their own perfect routine. Below, are some average times to help you find where your baby fits. The times shown below are guidelines for daytime sleep by age. The average night time sleep needed for most kids up to age 5 is 11-12 hours per night.

Here is a great sleep chart for ages and times

 Do babies and children just instinctively rest when they need to rest or do they need our assistance?

 I believe that some babies are born good sleepers, however most are not and need to be taught how to sleep well. Sleep is learned skill just like getting dressed, tying your shoes, or riding a bike. However, I do believe once your baby has that beautifully built foundation for independent sleep it only takes a little encouragement and the proper wake times for them to know that it’s time for rest and even be eager to go to sleep.

Can you define sleep training in the context of self-soothing? What do you think are the biggest misconceptions about sleep training?

 Self-soothing is just one part of learning how to sleep, but it is the main part of independent sleep. When your child learns to self soothe it usually means they can calm their own body and drift off to sleep on their own without relying on something external. When a child is capable of falling asleep independently, you’re going to see more consistent sleep patterns come about. We all have our own self soothing strategies – pillow position, window cracked open, favorite blanket, no socks etc. Helping your child find theirs is such a gift. Some children suck a finger, twirl their hair, or hold a blanket if at the appropriate age to have one. A few of the biggest misconceptions I hear are you have to use cry it out, it’s stressful for your child, or they won’t feel attached anymore. I want to take a minute to debunk each one of those. Our method at Sleep Wise is not traditional “cry it out”. While there may be some tears, you can absolutely comfort your child and work with them on these new sleep skills. Remember that it’s never too late to start. The second thing I often hear is that sleep training is too stressful for children, but I would argue that not sleeping enough or fighting sleep is equally or more stressful (and research backs me on this) and finding what’s right for your family is the best choice. Lastly, I often hear, “my child won’t love me as much or feel as attached to me if they are sleeping on their own.” I get it!! I’m a mom of 3 and I love those sweet snuggles and individual times with each of my children, but I promise seeing them wake up each morning well rested and happy is a win. Check out our blog on sleep training and attachment parenting if you want more information here: https://sleepwiseconsulting.com/attachment-parenting-sleeptraining/

How can parents set up healthy sleep habits from birth? When does routine become important?

 Yes, you can absolutely start from the very beginning and lay a great sleep foundation. In the newborn days it’s just a gentle repetitive process. If you were to choose a newborn plan with us there is no crying involved at all with sleep. They are just too tiny and need to still eat quite often. Starting right from the beginning allows you to encourage self-soothing skills and by 12 weeks little ones are peacefully drifting off to sleep on their own and sleeping 10-12 hours at night with feeds as needed. Around 4 weeks is a great time to gently start thinking about a loose routine. Using an eat, play, sleep routine will help your baby learn to fall asleep without feeding which is a great start. Don’t be afraid to try laying your baby down drowsy and see what happens.  A dark room, sound machine on, and soothing as needed is a great way to start! Often babies will surprise us and fall asleep on their own.

Could you give us a sample bedtime routine for an infant? How about a toddler?

Bedtime routines are so beneficial in teaching your child that sleep is coming. I like a routine to be simple and predictable. For most children about 20-30 minutes is good, maybe a bit longer on bath nights. For a baby birth to three months I would aim for something like this – bath, lotion, jammies, a book, feed, kisses, goodnight. Once a child is older than 3 months of age it’s important to move the feed to the beginning of the bedtime routine. This helps ensure your little one is fully using those independent sleep skills and not drifting to sleep while eating. For an older child you would want to include brushing their teeth and going potty if they are to that point. To help create predictably, choosing a number of books helps older kids know what’s expected, usually I recommend about 3 books pending the length. With my older kids I love to talk about something that made them happy that day or something they were grateful for, ending the day on a positive note always does the heart good.

Let's talk a bit about floor beds. Would you say that floor beds can work for any family or child? Are there any safety considerations?" 

I feel that floor beds can be successful for a younger child if he or she is used to having freedom within limits. Some examples being, if your child has too much freedom or no limits during the day, but you want them to stay on their bed all night, that’s going to be challenging because your child won’t understand the why behind it. In order for a floor bed to be the most successful, there has to be a foundation built during the day with your child of healthy boundaries and expectations. There are some safety considerations to pay close attention to. I would recommend waiting until 6 months and up to introduce a floor bed. That way your baby has a chance to work on those independent sleep skills. If your child is under the age of 2 years old your floor bed should be a firm crib mattress per AAP recommendations. A regular twin or full size mattress is too soft and can cause suffocation risks. The floor bed should be just a flat fitted sheet and away from the walls so that your baby can’t become trapped. Making sure your little one's room is safe, checking furniture anchors, outlets, small objects, window curtains, blankets, doors, etc. Safe sleep is always most important for your child.

If parents are interested in introducing a floor bed to an infant, how would you suggest they begin? Is it possible to teach an infant to self-soothe on a floor bed?

When introducing a floor bed it’s super beneficial to already have those independent sleep skills mastered. If you can start at a younger age teaching those self-soothing strategies in a bassinet or crib, it will make the transition more smooth. When introducing a floor bed, starting with nap time can be a good option so you can see your child and know what they are doing. However, if you find this to be tricky, opting for bedtime might work better since their natural sleep drive is higher at night. You can teach a baby to self soothe on a floor bed, just know it may be a little more challenging. If you’re willing to be consistent you will get the results you’re looking for. Just make sure to consider all safety components first.

What tips would you give parents who are making the switch from a crib to a floor or toddler bed?

 My top tip is always to be 100% consistent. There may be some bumps in the road when you transition to something new, but the consistency is key. Again, as I mentioned above, if your child is already in a crib and you’re thinking about this transition, solidifying those independent skills first will make a world of difference. If you’ve already jumped a step ahead to more space with a floor bed that’s ok but, have a plan in mind for setting boundaries and expectations so it can go as smoothly as possible. There are a lot of sleep methods out there! If you’re not sure which one is right for your family you’re welcome to reach out to me anytime for a free evaluation call. 

How do parents help their child to stay in their room (and sleep!) with a floor bed or toddler bed?

 I would first say the same as above, CONSISTENCY! Are you seeing a pattern build?! For younger children ages 6 months – 2 years having proper wake times and independent sleep skills already established will help. Proper wake times will make it so your baby/child is ready for sleep. Patience and returning them to bed as needed will help them learn those expectations. For older children ages 2+ finding something that motivates them to stay in bed is key. Positive praise, reassurance, and a “you can do it” attitude really help. Celebrating with a fun experience the next day always reminds little ones they are doing well, a visit to the park or special picnic lunch are some favorites. At this age being black and white with your expectations is crucial. For example, you have to have boundaries and expectations during the day with your child if you want it to smoothly translate over to bedtime. Using an ok to wake clock is a wonderful visual learning tool for sleep. If your child comes out when it’s sleeping time, you will consistently take them back and remind them of the boundaries and the clock. Practice makes perfect! All of these big changes take time.

Is it ever too late to help a child sleep independently? What are some tips to help a 3+ year old fall asleep and stay asleep on their own? 

 It is NEVER too late to establish healthy, independent sleep skills. I work with ages 0-10 years. Sleep is the gift that keeps on giving. We all have to sleep! For older kids ages 3+ it has to be clear and consistent. Making it positive and finding a sleep method you feel comfortable with is key. Remember, at this age your child has been sleeping a “different” way for a long time. Do not expect results overnight, it can absolutely take a few weeks to see the new changes happen. At this age carving out some special one on one time during the day can really help your child feel more confident sleeping independently at night. Little ones crave that attention and filling that cup during the day will help them settle in quickly for the night. Talking during the day about how sleep is good for your body and it will give them super power energy to play well is a great start too. You’ve got this!!!

Thank you, Megan!

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Note: These photos are from S’ room at 12 months old. My husband built the frame when D was 9 months or so with an opening to be able to get in and out. It has worked well for both of our children. More recently, the AAP has come up with some guidelines for floor beds. The Sprout Floor Bed Frame is acceptable, as long as the mattress is firm and flat with no soft or loose bedding. A crib sized mattress should be used until the age of two. The bed also should not be against a wall, as this could lead to entrapment between the mattress and the wall. In short, the sleep environment should align with the recommendations in the policy statement SIDS and Other Sleep-Related Infant Deaths: Updated 2016 Recommendations for a Safe Infant Sleeping Environment.

Image from Sprout Kids - use code MREALLIFE for 10% off your floor bed purchase

Some tips on baby/child proofing the room:

• Anchor furniture

• If your child is a climber, remove furniture that they could climb and fall from

• Move dresser to the closet (keep doors closed and locked)

• For babies: option to place changing mat on the floor and place a floating shelf on the wall to store changing supplies

• For toddlers: consider doing diaper changes in the bathroom

• Use a video monitor that can scan the whole room

• Use self-closing outlet covers and hide cords or use cord covers

• Avoid lamps or heavy items that could fall

• Remove any small items/choking hazards from the floor

• Use cordless blinds or curtains

• Secure a gate at the top of the stairs

We use self-closing outlets but if/when he gets interested in cords, we’ll use cord covers

You can find links to our favorite sleep furniture/gear/decor in this post!

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

A Montessori Approach to (not) Sharing

Sharing is a tricky concept for toddlers. For one, toddlers feel ownership (rightfully so) over anything that is in their hands. Second, until sometime between two and a half and three, toddlers typically prefer to "parallel play", meaning they play next to others but not necessarily with them. Cooperative play comes even later.

Now that D has a little brother, is in a part-time Montessori program, and has plenty of social opportunities, sharing has become a more relevant topic. At two and a half years, D loves to be with her friends, especially singing songs or sharing snack together. She is even starting to enjoy more cooperative coloring, building blocks, or other group games. She understands that she has her toys and S has his, but there are blurry ownership lines. As she navigates these new social interactions, it has me thinking a lot about our approach to sharing.

As much as she enjoys playing with friends, she also finds a lot of “flow” and joy in independent play. Through focused play, D is concentrating, working through problems, and using trial and error. When she is engrossed in her activity, I don’t want to interrupt her flow by making her share. I want her to be able to play with friends, but also to feel comfortable saying no, and to respect when others do too. This often means saying no to sharing.

Rather than forcing toddlers to share, we can help them take turns, or ask to work together. A child who is working with a toy or material should be given the time they wish to have to concentrate and enjoy it. The child who wants the toy can be told "It looks like ____ is using that work right now. You can use it when they are done with it." If the activity is something that can be enjoyed together, the child playing with the desired toy can also be asked, “Would you like to play with ___, or would you like to play by yourself?” Modeling this language helps the toddlers to verbalize this on their own. You often hear in a Montessori classroom, “my work”, as well as asking to work together.

This is obviously easier in a Montessori classroom, where toddlers know if a work is on the shelf, it's available; if it's in use, it's not. On a playdate or at the park, we can follow the same principles but perhaps with a bit more flexibility. If D is playing with a bucket that another child clearly wants, I would say "I see that she wants to play with the bucket too. Do you want to play together?” If she doesn’t I would say, “How about you play with it for a bit longer and then we give her a turn." If she’s upset by this, I would acknowledge her feelings, offer comfort, and remind her that she can have another turn soon. “I know it’s hard to wait for your turn. You could play with this other toy while you wait, or you could ask to watch.”

With friend Marley of Montessori in Motion

If another child tries to take a toy from D in a public setting and the parent doesn't say anything, I might gently stop the action and say to the child that D is using it right now but she can have a turn next. Often D has already said that it is hers. If the child still takes it, I don't force the child to give it back but if D is upset, I say out loud to her, "Oh it looks like she really wanted to play with that toy too. It made you upset that she took that toy from you. Let's find something else to play with" and walk to another area, when possible.

Lastly, if D takes a toy from another child, I would say something like “Oh, he was using that right now. Let’s give it back to him and find something new. You can have a turn when he’s done.” If she doesn’t give it back, I’d give her the option to either give it back or have me give it back. Again, I’d acknowledge her feelings and offer her alternatives.

One could argue that toddlers should work this out amongst themselves. I agree, if they are agreeable to playing together. But in many cases, with young toddlers especially, I like to say something in this scenario because they are still working on communicating effectively. It gives her language to use herself. I also don’t want D to think it’s okay to consistently take other’s toys or have them taken from her. While I don’t think we need to intervene in every scenario, I do want to set expectations of turn-taking and treating others with kindness early on. Thanks to Montessori, I also place a lot of value on focused, uninterrupted play. If we are constantly forcing our kids to share, or making them give up their toys or vice versa, they aren’t allowed to find their rhythm in play.

When it comes to interactions with her little brother, I obviously do the talking for baby S. Now that he’s becoming mobile, the reminders go both ways. If D takes his toy, he doesn’t care at this point, but I would say “S is using that right now. Let’s find something else for you to play with.” Alternatively, if he’s okay with it, she can replace his toy with something new, which she often does on her own. If S starts pulling at D’s work, D will usually say something like “that’s mine, Booboo!”, and I will offer him a toy of his own. As he gets older, I’m sure they will choose to play together, but for now, D prefers to play alone, next to him, or to entertain him with stories and songs.

At two and a half, D is finding the balance between playing with friends, her brother, and focusing on her own. Sharing doesn’t have to be the answer. I want the choice to be hers first and foremost.

Easing the Transition to Big Sister

I’ve talked a bit already about our transition from one to two, and overall it’s been a fairly easy adjustment (we are lucky, I know!). That being said, it hasn’t been completely smooth sailing, and it’s a constantly evolving relationship between D and S. We have had plenty of tough moments, big feelings, and even moments of D acting out towards the baby. As with all things parenting, it has gotten easier in some ways and harder in others. Easier in that D has fully embraced being a big sister and nothing feels “new” anymore. Harder in that S is becoming a bit more mobile, and D more assertive and possessive over what is hers.

Through these ups and downs, these are a few ways we’ve perhaps made the transition to becoming a big sister a bit easier for our toddler:

The Helper Role - This one came easily to D, who like most toddlers, likes to feel that she is a contributing member of our family. Giving D the opportunity to help prepare his environment, change him, offer him a bottle, or comfort him, have been really valuable for her. She shows such pride when she makes him laugh, or when she successfully buckles him into his car seat. Lately she especially likes to “read” to him or show him her work. He is more than happy to be her pupil! ;) This has also been a great tool for me, to keep everyone happy and busy.

Consistency in Routines - Routines are huge for toddlers; they thrive on “sameness”. and predictability. D is especially sensitive to consistency. Obviously a baby is a huge disruption to routine, but the newness wears off quickly. We have kept a lot of D’s daily rhythm the same. She still gets to serve herself snack, she still gets her favorite 3 songs before bed, she still does bathtime with Daddy. Of course, we’ve also added some new routines, such as reading books with her brother before bed, helping put away and pick out S’ outfits, and getting to drink special “tea” (often warm milk with cinnamon) while I nurse S in the afternoon. These routines give her a sense of control and calm.

One-on-One Time - Since having S, we’ve made sure to carve out special one-on-one time for D with each of us. She and I often get a little alone time each afternoon when her brother is napping, which is a fun time to bake or cook dinner together. On the weekends, D and my husband will go to the pool or to the park just the two of them. We trade off doing bedtime, so she gets that special time with each of us too. Last weekend I took her out for a play without the boys and it was really sweet for both of us to have that special outing together. Though family time altogether is valuable, I think we especially appreciate each other when we have that one-on-one time too.

Fair Treatment - This doesn’t mean treating the two of them completely equal. That’s impossible, as they are different children with different needs. Rather, I try to make sure we treat them fairly. For example, I ask S to wait when I’m focused on something with D, just as much as I ask D to wait when I’m nursing S. I don’t want D to always feel like S comes first, or that his needs trump hers. As he gets older, I also have to ask him to let go of her belongings and work just as I ask her to give toys back to him. Neither of them have to “share” but they need to learn to respect each other’s work and take turns when appropriate. Though fairness isn’t always possible, it’s been useful to start this practice, so everyone feels respected.

Difficult Moments

Although it’s rare, there are moments when D is frustrated or overtired and she gets physical towards her brother. If she does, I immediately stop the behavior. I say something like “I can’t let you hit your brother. It’s my job to keep both of you safe.” I then check on her brother first, and point out how he’s feeling (“S looks sad. I’m going to see if he’s okay.”) I talk through this out loud even if he’s clearly fine to model checking on him when he is hurt.

Once I’ve checked on him and made sure he’s okay, I direct my attention to D. I acknowledge her feelings (e.g. “I can see you felt frustrated when your brother grabbed your toy. You wanted it back. I can’t let you hurt his body though. If you feel frustrated, you can use your words or come to me for help.” I try to give her different ways to express her frustration while being clear that hitting or getting physical towards her brother is never okay. I then offer her comfort if she wants it. Lastly, I ask if she wants to check on Baby S too, and she usually does. She usually offers him a hug, and all is right in the world again. And I remind myself what a difference a good sleep can be for her, and for everyone.

The Montessori Approach to Introducing New Vocabulary

A trademark of Montessori education is the three-period lesson. It is a method all Montessori primary teachers use to introduce new vocabulary and concepts to a child that involves three key steps: naming, recognition, and recall (more on this below). It is often introduced in the toddler classroom as well, albeit less formally. Keep in mind that we organically introduce language with our toddlers at home or as we explore new places/things with them; this is just a more specific way to introduce new words and concepts as part of a language lesson, either at home or at school.

With toddlers, it can help to focus on concepts or topics your child is already interested in. Most recently, D (27 months) has been talking a lot about baby and mama animals. So I’ve been teaching her the names of all the baby animals, as well as the names of the female adult, if different than the male counterpart. Six months ago, I would have just introduced one of each animal in a generic form, e.g. cow and sheep, but her comprehension and language has grown so much since then.

Whichever the category or concept you choose, It’s best to start with the the concrete version (e.g. real fruits) rather than the abstract (e.g. pictures of fruits). For many objects, such as animals, toy figurines are the closest we can get to the real thing. Start with just a few objects (up to four for young toddlers and up to eight for older) in one category. You can place these objects in a basket or on a tray on your toddler’s shelf for them to explore and either give a lesson before or after they explore. With toddlers, giving a lesson has to include some flexibility as they don’t sit still for as long as a child in a primary classroom would. You may not get through a whole lesson, and that’s okay! Use some of the tips below to make it more fun, and you may be surprised by your toddler enjoying these language “games”. If your child isn’t interested at all, just move on, and try again later or another day. And keep in mind that some categories/concepts just might not be interesting to your child - I tried, but I could never get D to sit through a lesson on tools!

The Three Period Lesson (adapted for toddlers)

1. Naming

As you introduce a new object or concept, simply label what it is you are showing the child. Hold it and use one simple word to label it, e.g. “Lamb” if you’re introducing farm animals, or “Red” if you’re introducing colors. Set it back down and let the child explore and touch it too. *Note: While we of course want to use lots of descriptive language in our everyday interactions with our toddler, here we are isolating a single concept. The fewer words we use in the naming or labeling, the easier it will be for the toddler to make the connection between the word and the object or concept.

2. Recognition

Once you have provided a label for each object or concept, you can ask the child to find each one, one at a time. With toddlers, it can help to make this into a game. Examples of recognition questions include “Where is the calf?” “Can you put the cube in the basket?” “I spy…green.” “Can you hide the motorcycle behind your back?” There are endless ways to play recognition games, which help to get your child more familiar with each object or concept. There is no rush to the next step as you want the child to really grasp what each object is. If your child isn’t talking yet, this is the last step.

3. Recall

This step is only used for a verbal child and when you are confident the toddler knows each word already. The last thing we want to do is set a child up for failure if they don’t yet know the answer. In this final step of the three-period lesson, we ask “What is this?” as we point to each object. You can also make this more fun by asking the toddler a more creative questions such as “Which baby animal is yellow?” or hiding one under a cloth and asking “Which one is missing?”

In general, when teaching something new, we try to avoid pointing out when the child gets something wrong. If your child makes a mistake in the recognition or recall step, you could just acknowledge what they did show you "That's the ____" and remember to show them the correct label/object pairing again next time. We want our toddler to be confident in their abilities, and motivated to keep trying. Often if we are constantly correcting, we see children lose self esteem as well as interest in trying.

You can read more about early toddler language activities such as matching object to object and object to card in this blog post. You can also read about how I introduce other types of materials to D in this blog post.

Encouraging Independent Play

Promoting independence is a key component of Montessori, in large part, because it allows the child to feel respected, capable, and content. One of the best ways to encourage independence is through play. If toddlers can feel comfortable and confident playing on their own, they will also feel capable of other tasks on their own. Play is such valuable time for children to learn, imagine, take chances, and make mistakes and then do-overs. For my husband and I, it’s important to raise kids who are able to play by themselves and create fun with what is available, rather than need entertainment to find joy. It’s about finding the right balance for your family. While I love engaging in activities with my children, I also really appreciate being able to complete a task myself without a clinging child. Even better is the feeling that we don’t need to rush into my toddler’s bedroom in the morning, because she is happy to play with her dolls or flip through books in her room, just as she is before she falls asleep.

It’s never too early or too late to encourage meaningful, independent play. Here are some tips for promoting independent play in babies, toddlers, and beyond.

A “Yes Space”

This term was coined by Janet Lansbury. We want to create a space that is safe for your child to play freely. It’s nearly impossible to expect a child to play independently if we have to keep hovering and telling them “no”. Whether it’s your living room or a play room, babies and toddlers need to play in a space where they can safely explore. Ideally, children have acccess to most of the house, safely. When D has gone through phases of not being interested in her toys, she does explore the drawers in the kitchen accessible to her, uses our child-size swiffer to dry mop the floor, or “reorganizes” our pantry. Anything that is unsafe to her is kept locked or up high. As long as she isn’t causing harm or a major mess, she is okay playing in our main living area, with her toys, or not.

Appropriate Toys

Children (including babies) are more likely to engage with a toy if it is just the right level of challenge for them. Too easy, and they are bored. Too difficult, and they get frustrated. Different children have different thresholds for challenges as well. If we want our children to engage in play on their own, we have to set up an inviting and challenging environment for them. If you aren’t sure where to start, The Montessori Guide offers month by month activities, up to 21 months (soon to be 24 months!). Additionally, rotating the shelves (a few toys at a time, as needed) helps to keep their environment interesting. If your child is really struggling to play on their own, consider starting with open-ended toys (such as magnets or blocks) or toys with movement (such as a car tracker), that engage almost all ages and types of children.

“Together Time”

I find D is much more open to playing on her own when she’s already had some quality time with me. This was especially true during her more clingy phases. Each day I try to set up some time for her and I to engage in play together (when I’m showing her a new work or we are prepping food together) and some time for her to play alone when I’m trying to get something done (or just nursing s!). Even with S, I apply this kind of balance: I spend a lot of time holding and snuggling him, but other times I let him lie down and gaze at his mobile or look around on his tummy. Even diaper changes and potty breaks can count as quality one-on-one time if we are focusing our attention on our child.

Make Play a Habit

This may seem obvious, but sometimes we forget or get too busy to make play a part of the daily routine. Play doesn’t have to be with Montessori toys in a Montessori environment; it can also be exploring nature or playing with cardboard boxes. The important thing is that we allow children to have time to just be themselves and explore their own environment each day. Toddlers, especially, thrive on figuring things out for themselves, so we don’t need to “play for them”. Even if you’re sitting with your child playing, avoid fixing or correcting their play. We want them to feel like their play or work matters, which will in turn make them more excited to play on their own. If your child is only in the habit of playing with you, start small by just moving a few feet, or only leave for a minute, and gradually increase as they get more comfortable playing on their own.

Limit Over-Stimulation

It may seem counter-intuitive, but often the more a child interacts with a screen or electronic toys, the more “bored” they are. When children, even toddlers, get used to the sensory overload that TV shows and loud, blinking toys provide, they can develop a shorter attention span in general. This then translates to less interest and ability to concentrate on more active and independent types of play. This isn’t always the case, but it can be. In our family, we do not make screen time a part of our day. But you have to do what works for your family, and sometimes that includes screens. :)

With all this being said, it’s helpful to remember that babies, toddlers, and children of all ages go through periods of wanting to be more or less independent. When D was around 18 months old, she went through a major separation anxiety phase, and was not interested in playing alone. I continued to encourage her to play on her own but didn’t force it. I still let her know when I needed to separate myself to finish a chore and I let her choose to follow and watch me or play by herself. For a while, she just followed me. Over the course of a month or so, she gradually began to enjoy her independent play time again. Like all aspects of raising children, phases come and go.

Montessori from Birth

A frequent question I hear is “When can I start Montessori at home?” The answer is that Montessori can be implemented anytime, as early as birth! It is never too early or too late to incorporate Montessori principles at home. Though the environment and materials are an important component of Montessori, there is much more to the philosophy than beautiful toys. Now that we are lucky enough to be back in the newborn phase with our 2-week-old baby boy, I thought I’d write a bit about what “Montessori from Birth” looks like for us.

A beautiful book I read during my Montessori training was called Understanding the Human Being, and it describes the first 6-8 weeks as the “Symbiotic Life”, or “life together”. It is a time when the newborn and mother are co-dependent, each requiring something the other gives. The newborn requires the mother’s nourishment and by breastfeeding, helps the mother’s uterus contract and body heal. Additionally, the bond formed between mother (or primary caregiver) and baby in the time spent together in the first weeks ensures a securely attached child and mutual love for each other. From this secure attachment, the baby learns to fully trust their environment and mother/primary caregiver, knowing they will be taken care of, loved, and are safe to explore independently when ready. It helps me to think about this Symbiotic Life period as it gives meaning to the wonderful, but exhausting, time with our newborn. The attachment we form sets him on the right path forward towards becoming his own capable little being, and for now I can just soak up the sweet and valuable time we have together.

Equally important to the love we show our baby is the respect we hold for them. A key component to Montessori philosophy is respect for the child, and this includes the way in which we interact and talk to children, as early as birth. Rather than try to quiet or distract a baby, we acknowledge their needs and feelings.. For me, respect means slowing down and taking the time (when possible with two littles) to nurse in a quiet spot, and giving Baby S affection and attention while he gets his nourishment. It also means talking to him about what I’m going to do before/as I do it. For example I might say “It looks like you have a wet diaper. Let’s go get a fresh one on.” and then when he gets upset during a diaper change, “I know it feels cold when I take this diaper off. I’m just wiping your bottom and now we are putting a clean diaper and clothes back on. Now you are dry and warm - that feels better, doesn’t it?” I don’t narrate every part of our day, but I try to talk to him when we are doing something together, like starting to nurse, change, or when he’s alert and looking at me. Janet Lansbury’s book Elevating Childcare elaborates on ways to speak respectfully to babies, and is a great book about respecting babies and toddlers in general.

While in these first few months Baby S spends a lot of his time on or with me nursing and sleeping, I also make sure he has plenty of time for natural movement throughout the day. I set up his primary “movement area” in our living room, where he can rest or wiggle around on his topponcino and gaze around the room. From there he can see his family, our movements, and the environment that he will call home. When he lies on his back here, he is completely unrestricted in his movements. He is free to stretch his arms and legs, suck on his fingers, and turn his head side to side. Other times I will carry him on his topponcino outside or into another room where we are spending time, so he can join us while still having that freedom of movement and ability to see what’s going on around him if he’s awake.

Though he is unswaddled and free to move in the day, we do swaddle him at night to help him sleep for slightly longer stretches. The swaddle is so useful for the first few months when babies’ startle reflexes are strong, often waking them up unintentionally. My favorite swaddle with Baby S is the Ollie swaddle, which is easy to put on/take off and keeps him safely tucked inside. He also spends time in the day in the K’tan baby carrier, when we take walks or I need two hands and he wants to be held close. For us, it’s just about finding that balance of cozy mama time, restful time, and uninhibited movement time.

As Baby S’ awake time increases, we have and will introduce a few traditional Montessori materials to encourage his concentration and capture his interest. For the first couple of months this includes mobiles, high contrast (black and white) images, mirrors, familiar faces, and the sights and sound in nature. Already he has begun to spend a few minutes each day gazing at his Munari mobile as it slowly spins with the air circulating. As babies can only see up to 12 inches in front of them, and only in black and white, this is the first mobile to encourage eye tracking, concentration, and visual development. It is beautiful to watch him watch the mobile. :)

Wooden gym and mobile from Monti Kids**

* If you are interested in Montessori materials for babies, my friend Bridget of Montessori in Motion and I launched The Montessori Guide this year, which includes month-by-month activities and links to materials to help you set up a Montessori environment for your child. You can read more about that here!

** If you are looking for a full Montessori subscription box for your baby, with materials delivered straight to your door, you can also check out Monti Kids! Use code REALLIFE for $30 off your first box.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

A Montessori Toddler Easter Basket

Easter is only a week and a half away, so I felt compelled to write a short blog post along the theme! I love holidays, especially now that we have a little one, so it’s easy for me to go overboard with things like Easter Baskets. One of my favorite holiday traditions as a child was searching the house with my sisters for our hidden baskets of goodies. Though D doesn’t have the patience to search for a basket (yet), she is definitely old enough to appreciate the basket of goodies part!

I had hoped to get this post written last week, but I’ll admit I only just picked out her basket stuffers this week. If you are like me, and heavily rely on Amazon prime, then hopefully this post won’t be too late for you either! :) I’m sharing ideas for a toddler Easter basket, as well as a few books and toys for your littlest ones! Happy egg (and basket) hunting, and Happy Easter!

Toddler Easter Basket Ideas

Egg shakers - These are a little young for D, but I did have a thought to get two sets and make it a matching sound game! Might also save this one for the summer. Either way, egg shakers are typically a hit with babies and toddlers of all ages.

Layered Puzzle - Though this is still a bit too challenging for D, I saw the rabbit version of this layered wooden puzzle and had to grab it. Love how this teaches the concept of size, shade, and depth. I am interested to see how she uses it now!

Stickers - Stickers continue to be a favorite for D, and though I sometimes buy small sets at the local toy store, these larger sets from Amazon make so much more sense. As I’ve described before, I find it easiest to cut sticker sheets into strips and then fold back an edge to make peeling easier for a young toddler.

Egg slicing/matching - Melissa and Doug always has fun wooden toys (not super Montessori but great for gifts), and this is no exception. D is big into color matching right now, and of course chopping, so this seemed perfect for her Easter basket.

Nesting chickens - Love this fun twist on the classic Russian nesting dolls. We have been talking a lot about eggs and hatching, so this fits with that theme nicely. I know D will love opening and closing these on repeat. If your child is still mouthing everything, I would wait on these.

Egg crayons - I am probably most excited about these egg crayons. They are big and chunky for toddler hands, and they are a fun and creative way to get D more interested in art this Spring!

Sunflower Grow Kit - This was in the dollar section at Target, and it’s such a fun idea! No guarantees that a sunflower will actually grow. ;) I couldn’t find the exact one I got online, but you might find it (and other Easter goodies) at the front of your local Target store too!

Board Books

Whose Chick book - This is one of D’s favorite books right now. It’s a cute story about various birds who find an abandoned egg and try to figure out who it belongs to. It’s perfect for toddlers who love to make animal sounds with the bonus of learning about hatching eggs!

Touch & Feel Rabbit book - This was D’s favorite last year (10 months), and she still loves it, especially with that fuzzy tail! We got it to go with the stuffed Jellycat rabbit (mentioned below). Each page has a different texture, and the words are simple for the littlest of babes!

10 Little Chicks song book - One of my favorite Spring songs to sing as a toddler teacher was “10 Little Ducks”, and this is a very cute variation on this. Books that combine as songs are always a hit among babies and toddlers alike, and I’m excited for D to discover this one in her basket.

Little Chick puppet book - These finger puppet books are favorites for babies, and the pages are super thick and durable! D still reads her finger puppet books like this, but now she sticks her own finger in the puppet instead of waiting for me.

Baby Easter Basket Ideas

Duck pull toy - Perfect for your baby who is crawling or just starting to walk. They will love pulling the mama duck around, and nestling baby duck in to go along for the ride.

Rabbit stuffed animal - D has many stuffed animals but this is always a favorite. It is so soft and just the right size for snuggling. I love the Jellycat stuffed animals in general, and the books to go with them!

Egg shakers - These are simple but beautiful egg shakers that make a really nice, soft sound. The small size is perfect for little hands to hold onto and shake.

Teethers - I wish I’d gotten this for D last Easter! This is such a sweet set of themed teethers, and it seems as though you can never have enough when your baby is teething or just mouthing everything.

Lamb teether - Just another cute teether option for babies!

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

A Montessori Toddler Dressing Area

Who else did some re-organizing and purging after watching Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix this year? I’m pretty sure most moms I know have “Marie Kondo’d” some part of their home in the past couple of months. She is so inspiring! My latest project has been D’s closet, which was more challenging than organizing my own, but also a lot more fun. It has also been the perfect chance to create a space for her clothes that is accessible to her.

I’ve been wanting to give D more opportunities to pick out clothes and dress herself, and creating this space in her closet is one of the best ways to do so. Because her room doesn’t have a lot of extra space, I designed this dressing area to fit all in her small closet. It’s nice for a young toddler too because although she can access her clothes when it’s time to dress or put clothes away, I can close the closet doors when she’s sleeping or playing in her room. (If I stored her clothing rack in her room outside her closet, I would have minimized her options even more, and stored the rest in the closet.)

Here is our current set-up:

Clothing Rack - I have yet to find the perfect option for this, but for now, this will do. She can’t quite reach the hangers but is getting close, and can still point to what shirt or dress she wants. I like that it is quite affordable, compact, and has adjustable shelves.

Step stool - I set this up for her to sit on and practice dressing. She can access her socks and shoes on the bottom shelf to practice putting on/taking off. (We also keep a pair of socks and outdoor shoes by the front door.)

Mirror - This is D’s favorite part of her dressing area. I positioned it right next to the step stool so she can watch herself practice dressing or helping me get her dressed. The mirror also helps her develop body awareness and recognition.

Small storage bins - This pack of three fabric bins are perfect for storing her pants and pajamas. I try not to keep too many options in these bins at once, because it is that much more to clean up if she wants to pull them out! I encourage her to choose one at a time, but toddlers love to explore their options. ;)

Laundry Bin - Placing this next to her clothing racks gives her a place to put away her own dirty clothes. It also helps her understand the full sequence of getting dressed, and of how laundry works!

Overall, giving her this opportunity to play a bigger role in dressing boosts her confidence and sense of accomplishment. For many toddlers, transitions (e.g. getting ready for the day, starting naptime routines…) can be tough, and letting them help get dressed or put clothes away makes it much calmer and more satisfying for them. This is definitely true for D! My hope is that having this dressing area gives her the sense of autonomy, order, and satisfaction she needs, and helps her develop the fine motor and coordination skills to dress herself independently in the coming months!

PS. You can see the rest of her room in this blog post about our floor bed. :)

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Introducing New Materials to a Toddler

Just as important as the materials in the Montessori environment is the way in which we present those materials to the child. In an early childhood classroom (age 3-6), Montessori guides use a more formal method for teaching, called the Three Period Lesson. As I explain in my blog post about introducing new vocabulary, we often modify the three period lesson to a two period lesson for toddlers. In introducing new objects and vocabulary to D, I first label each object clearly and slowly. I then ask her (in various ways) to find each object (e.g. Can you put the eagle in the basket?” or “Where is the eagle’s beak?”) Unless I’m sure she knows the word, I do not ask her “What is this?” because it is often difficult and intimidating for newly verbal toddlers to answer, and makes the activity less enjoyable for her. I discuss other language activities in my previous blog post as well.

The three (or two) part lesson works well for some types of materials, such as labeling these forest animal figurines, but not others. With a toddler, lessons often aren’t formal, because they aren’t sitting still for long, and are usually eager to jump into trying it themselves. That being said, there are some general steps I take in introducing a new material, that seem to be fairly consistent across type of activity…

1. Set up the new material on a tray or in a basket so that it’s inviting and “incomplete”, e.g. puzzle pieces are out of puzzle or nesting cups are unstacked. (Or, if practical life, set up at her small kitchen or weaning table).

2. Bring D’s attention to the material. If she’s interested, I slowly model how it works/how it is to be used. (If she’s not interested, I wait for another time.) I use minimal words, so that the focus is on my hands, not my voice. It is difficult for toddlers to process both at the same time. For example, with the shape/color sorter above, I might point to the cylinder in my hand, label it “cylinder”, point to the cylinder inset, trace my hand around the circle of the cylinder and inset, and then slowly place the cylinder in the inset. I might say “The cylinder fits!” I would repeat with the remaining shapes and colors. Now that she can match the shapes, I might point out the size/color difference as well, but there’s no rush on this!

3. I “undo” my work, again slowly, placing each piece back on the tray or in the bakset. I might label with minimal words again, such as noting the color, shape, or a simple action “I put the triangular prism back in the basket!”

4. Once the material is set-up on the tray or in the basket, I give it to D to use and explore. At this point, I don’t interrupt. Sometimes she imitates my actions and is engrossed in the activity, and other times she uses the material in her own way, which is just fine. I let her play with it as she wishes to.

5. If she attempts to imitate the actions she saw me do, but struggles, I wait, and often she self-corrects (see note below regarding control of error). Or, if she signals that she wants help, I do show her again, or help guide her. I only intervene if she asks for me to though. I try to encourage her to figure things out for herself, so that she doesn’t come to rely on me doing things for her. Sometimes this means keeping a little distance while she works. This provides her the opportunity to feel confident and capable in her own abilities.

6. If she completes the work, but mixes pieces up or does it in the wrong order, I don’t fix it for her (unless she asks, as noted above). I let her “complete” the work as she sees fit. When she’s done playing with it, I might model it again correctly another time.

Note: many traditional Montessori materials include a built-in control of error. This means that the materials allow the child to self-correct because they provide instant feedback about whether it is completed correctly or not. A classic example is the knobbed cylinders. If a child places one cylinder in the incorrect place, he will not be able to fit all the cylinders into the block. This will allow him to re-arrange the cylinders in the block to ensure they all fit. This opportunity for self-correction provides toddlers (and older children) independence, curiosity, satisfaction, and confidence in their work.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Our Montessori Shelf at 19 Months

How has D already crossed over the one and a half year mark? I had been doing a post each month with her favorite materials, but with such a focus on practical life these past few months, it’s been a little while. Though D still spends a lot of time with practical life, art, and sensory activities, she has also been very engaged at her shelf, with her language and fine motor activities. Without further ado, here are her favorite materials on her shelf right now:

Baby and Body Part Matching - Another mom blogger, Angela of Momtessori Life, created these lovely diverse body part cards that you can download for free online. D loves pointing to and naming both her matching body part, and her little baby’s parts too.

Baby Care Basket - As D is big into her baby dolls right now, this is another activity along that theme. I was inspired by fellow blogger Nicole’s post here. It is perfect for preparing for baby brother on the way! It also helps with her new interest in getting dressed. With the baby doll, I’ve included a newborn baby hat, socks, a small cloth, a brush, and a swaddle blanket in the basket.

Mama and Baby Animal Matching - Now that D has mastered matching identical objects, she is having fun matching similar objects. Here she can match adult and baby farm animals. For these, I used various Schleich animals (love their detail), but you can use any type of animal figurines. You can read more about how we began language like this in my previous blog post.

Palette of Pegs - This is one of my favorite materials to grow with D. We started with just the pegs, and have now added on the rings. There is something so satisfying about putting the pegs in the holes, and the rings on the pegs. In a few months, she’ll likely start matching colors, and eventually, creating patterns with this palette!

Twist & Turn Blocks - This is a fun and colorful version of nuts and bolts. They can be used in various ways, but since D is just getting the hang of it, I leave the blocks barely twisted on the bolt, so that she can master untwisting and separating. Once she masters that, I can make it more challenging by keeping the pieces separate for her to twist together.

Valentine’s Activities - She is still really enjoying her Valentine’s day themed activities, which are pictured on the shelf. You can read more about those in my last blog post!

Monti Kids - These next three materials are a few from our Monti Kids subscription box. Each of the six beautiful materials in this box provide D with the opportunity for intentional play and concentration. As a former teacher, I so appreciate the quality and authenticity of these Montessori materials. Each box comes with detailed video tutorials and step-by-step instructions, so you can be your own child's Montessori guide. For $30 off your first order, go to their website and use code REALLIFE at checkout.

Object to Card matching - This language set includes 6 wooden figurines of community helpers, with wooden cards to match. The figurines are not an exact match (e.g. one firefighter has a yellow suit and the other is black), so it makes it an extra challenge for toddlers! Monti Kids provides detailed instructions on how to first present the figurines, and then add in the cards.

Motor Planning Box - This is both a gross and fine motor effort work! D has to squeeze the large knit ball with both hands to get it to fit into the hole. For now, she still needs my help squeezing it in. Then she opens up the drawer, finds the ball, shuts the drawer (needs my reminding), and repeats. It takes planning, understanding sequences, and quite a bit of effort! Love the challenge here.

Shapes on Pegs - D really enjoys this one on repeat. For now, she mostly puts the shapes on in a random order, but eventually she will be sorting by shape! I appreciate how the color and number are constants, so she can isolate shape as the variable.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

A Montessori Toddler Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner! It’s funny how Valentine’s Day changes through the decades. It starts as trading valentines with friends, then becomes date nights out with champagne, and now we’re at date nights in with a child and a bump. ;) I wouldn’t have it any other way though. I get to celebrate love x3 this year.

A new tradition I’m happy to start this year is Valentine’s themed activities for D. With a busy toddler, there is always a need for some DIY on my part to keep her entertained! This holiday just gives me an excuse to make these activity trays a little extra sweet. I hope one or two of these inspire you to spread the love too!

PS. If you are looking for small trays such as the ones displayed here, my go-to site is Montessori Services. Check out the options here. I find most of my larger wooden Trays on Amazon, such as these.

Valentine “mailbox”

This is D’s favorite of her new trays. I found this Valentine’s gift box for $1 at Target last year, and I’m repurposing it as a mailbox. Using an exacto-knife, I cut a small slit in the top of the box. After searching around the house for something to put in the “maibox” I found the letter tiles from Bananagrams (Scrabble tiles would also work). They fit perfectly and D loves the feel of them. They are just the right level of challenge for her to fit into the small slot in her box. When she’s done inserting her “mail”, she can then open up the box and start again.

Heart stickers

D, like many toddlers, is big into stickers right now. I was excited to find this giant roll of heart stickers on Amazon so she can stick to her heart’s content. To set this up, I place about 6-8 stickers on the tray at once, with a small piece of paper. If your toddler is just starting out with stickers, I find it easiest to fold back the paper backing a bit so that the sticker is easier to peel off. She loves filling the page, and beyond!

Pom-pom transferring

I found these adorable ceramic heart bowls at the grocery store (you could probably find similar ones at Target!) and bought them before I knew how I’d use them. Then I found these assorted pom poms on Amazon and decided to make a little transferring tray. I introduced these little tongs for D, and she is starting to get the hang of how to pinch them to pick something up. Sometimes she just pours the pompoms back and forth or uses her pincer grasp - all good options!

Play dough stamping

My go-to play dough recipe is this one, though you can definitely find hundreds of others on Pinterest. I can make it in less than 5 minutes and it makes a large amount that saves well in a ziplock bag. Though D enjoys play dough on its own, she is especially enjoying a couple of tools to use with it, such as these mini rolling pins and heart cookie cutters (well technically my favorite is a heart ravioli stamp!).

Books

We also have a few favorite “Valentine’s Day” themed books right now. Each of these is simple and sweet enough for your toddler to sit through, and (most) are based in reality. My favorite right now is How do You Say I Love You, which is a story of how to say “I love you” in many different languages! Counting Kisses is D’s favorite because I get to kiss her toes up to her head. :)

You are My Heart by Marianne Richmond

Love by Emma Dodd

How Do You Say I Love You? by Hannah Eliot

Counting Kisses by Karen Katz

Snuggle Puppy! by Sandra Boynton

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Our Toddler's Daily Routine, Montessori Style

I often get asked about our daily routine, or rhythm. As a new parent, when D was nursing around the clock, I found it difficult to fall into a routine. But now, with an 18-month-old, I find we are all happier when we have consistency throughout our day, and know what’s (generally) coming next. Though we never stick to the exact same schedule each day, we definitely follow similar patterns.

Here is a sneak peek into our typical weekday:

7:00 - 7:30am - This is around when D wakes up. I typically get up earlier and try to sneak in a shower and make some coffee before the day begins. Upon waking, she grabs a book from beside her bed and “reads” on her own until I greet her. We read a book together in her bed, change out of her diaper, brush teeth, and head downstairs.

7:30 - 9:30am - D is always hungry right away, so we either eat what I’ve already prepped or she helps me make something simple, like cereal or oatmeal. We eat breakfast together at the kitchen table. She loves to drink her milk out of a cup with handles that looks like my coffee. “Cheers!” ;)

After breakfast, I have her use the potty, and I do dishes/tidy/get our bag packed while she plays for a bit. By the time we are ready to go, she usually already needs a snack/breakfast #2! Assuming we have time, she sets her place at her small table and eats it there.

9:30 - 11:30am - Almost every morning we leave the house for some kind of outing, usually lasting an hour or two. A few mornings a week she has a class. Right now she’s part of a Montessori parent-child class, dance class, and swim class (with dad) once a week. The other mornings we typically go on a walk, to the park/library/grocery store, or have a playdate. Some days we venture out to the kids museum or aquarium!

With her friend Marley (Montessori in Motion)

When we get back home (or before, depending on activity), she has at least an hour of free time to play/work. I let her take the lead here, choosing her own activities. We do a mix of playing together (she often wants to read books) and playing on her own, but I encourage independent play, even if that means she’s packing and  unpacking tupperware. :) Sometimes I can get some of my own work done during this time.

Note: When she is awake, she wears underwear. Though she still has some accidents, they are becoming less common.. We are also working on her putting on and taking off her own shoes before and after outings!

11:30am - 12:00pm - This is typically when we eat lunch together. . I’ve noticed she doesn’t eat as much at lunch as other meals, so I find it easier to give her small healthy meals throughout the day. She’s usually just ready for nap by this time.

12:00 - 3:00pm - Before nap time, she sits on the potty, and then we go to her room and read a book and sing a couple of songs together. I put her down with a couple of books and she happily puts herself to sleep. She usually sleeps about 2 to 2.5 hours, but every day is a little different!

I get most of my work done when she naps. That’s when I blog, respond to emails, switch out materials on her shelf, and craft. It’s also when I can do a little meal prep and cleaning. I’ll admit now that I’m pregnant I occasionally nap too. ;)

3:00 - 5:00pm - Once she wakes up, it’s snack time (often her making avocado toast) and then it’s another hour or more of free time for D. She’s especially focused on her work if I’ve switched out a few things on her shelves during nap. Often this is when she wants to do some sensory or art play too. If the weather is decent, she likes to lead a little walk around the neighborhood, stopping at every puddle along the way. I’m also starting to find ways for her to help me prep dinner.

5:30 - 6:00pm - This is typically D’s dinnertime. I sit with her at the kitchen table and eat something small too. If my husband is home in time, he joins us. D is quite a slow eater, so we usually sit together for a good amount of time. It’s such a good opportunity to spend quality family time together, without distractions.

6:30 - 7:00pm - We start our bedtime routine around 6:30 or 7:00, depending on her nap. This usually starts with potty and then a bath. Then we brush her teeth, change into PJs, read a few books, sing a song, and kiss goodnight. She is usually pretty wiped and asleep by 7:30pm.

7:00 - 10:00pm -  My husband and I usually eat our real dinner together after D goes to sleep. As she gets older and stays up a little later we’ll probably change this and all eat together. But for now, it’s nice to eat one meal in peace and catch up on our day sans toddler. Then it’s time to relax, often with an episode of the Great British Baking Show before bed. ;)

Some days are quite different, but that is our typical weekday routine. What does your routine look like?

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Introducing Themes - Arctic/Antarctic Animals

One of my favorite parts of being a preschool teacher was coming up with activities for our monthly themes. In our Montessori school, we didn’t go overboard with themes, but we’d incorporate a few special activities to fit with the seasons or holidays. Now that D is 18 months, and given that it’s the start of a new year, it’s something I’m going to try to incorporate. We are starting with identifying animals that live in the icy polar regions. Since D is still so young, we aren’t yet going into specifics of Arctic vs. Antarctic. ;)

D’s favorite activity is her Arctic animal matching. Now that she’s mastered exact object to picture matching, here I introduced similar object to picture matching. As you can see the figurine isn’t a perfect match to the animal photo. You can read more on this type of language work in my previous blog post on language learning. The arctic animals are a Safari Ltd TOOB set and I purchased these arctic animal photo cards for $1 from Teachers Pay Teachers. (To print, I scaled each photo flash card down to 30%, printed on cardstock, and laminated.) not only matches the animals to these photo cards but also likes to bring them over to her winter animal books to find matches. TOOB animals have so many uses!

Another Antarctic-themed activity we’ve incorporated at home is our snow sensory play. I filled our sensory bin with white kinetic sand, snowflake confetti, and large penguin figurines. She loves to scoop the “snow” with her hands or small spoons, fill her wooden molds, and move the penguins around the bin. (Unfortunately I do not have link to wooden molds - they have been discontinued on Amazon.) If you haven’t tried kinetic sand before, it’s such a great sensory experience for toddlers, lasts a long time, and is easy to clean up. I would avoid using this around carpet though! DIY hack: you can also make “snow dough” by combining 4 cups corn starch with 1/2 cup vegetable oil!

Lastly, we of course relied heavily on books for this theme, and winter season in general. She and I have started going to the local library every other week which has definitely helped us with our winter collection! Below you’ll see a list of our favorites. D has been very excited to move onto some larger and lengthier books, though we save the library and hardback books for reading together, and board books for her baskets and shelves.

Winter Books:

The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats - a classic, award-winning story about the simple joys of a first snowfall

Arctic Animals by Tad Carpenter - a fun guessing game of who’s hiding, and a few fun facts about each animal!

Over and Under by Kate Messner - this is my favorite new winter book, with a beautiful story of skiing over the snow and thinking about which animals are hiding beneath

Bear Snores On by Karma Wilson - a sweet fictional story about little animals throwing a party in bear’s den while he hibernates

The Mitten by Jan Brett - another classic that probably doesn’t need explaining!

Sweetest Kulu by Celina Kalluk - a beautiful poem about the gifts this new baby will receive from each arctic animal

Brrr! Brr! by Sebastien Braun - another lift the flap board book, with animal noises!

Winter Babies by Kathryn Galbraith - simple but lovely, featuring diverse faces and actions to repeat

Under my Hood I Have a Hat by Karla Kuskin - perfect for discussing the many layers we wear when we step outside in wintertime!

Updated December 2019:

We are still loving this arctic theme a year later. Here are a few ways we’ve expanded on it!

Arctic Animal Track Matching

I found these lovely animal/track matching cards on Teachers Pay Teachers, and used them to make a matching work with several of the Arctic Toob animals. This is a nice challenge for D (at 2.5) as it involves matching three parts.

Arctic Animal Yoga Cards

D loves yoga, and these themed yoga cards are just such a fun way to make yoga cards new again! There are 20 poses, each with a card of the animal and a child doing the pose. To print, I scaled them down to be able to fit 4 cards per laminator sheet.

Polar Layered Puzzle

These types of puzzles are great for 2-year-olds, as they are challenging but do-able, and great for repetition. I love this beautiful layered puzzle by George Luck.

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!

Tricky Toddler Behaviors

I put some feelers out on Instagram to get an idea of what you all would like to read about, and many of you mentioned tricky toddler issues. I feel ya! We are definitely dealing with toddler ‘tude these days, and I know there’s only more to come. I wish I had all the answers myself, but I think everyone struggles with this one. I know it’s much more difficult for me to deal with D’s tantrums than it was with other people’s toddlers as a teacher! But I do appreciate having the Montessori background to reference during these times.

When D was just entering toddlerhood, I wrote this post, so you may find some helpful tips there, as well as our general positive discipline approach. Six months later, some issues have resolved and mostly they have just changed. So I’ll address a few of the tricky behaviors we are seeing at home, and how we are approaching them. In addition to my Montessori education, my husband and I try to follow ideas from the book Positive Discipline: The First Three Years, as well as Janet Lansbury’s work, especially No Bad Kids.

Clinginess and Separation Anxiety

D has always been a mama’s girl and loves physical contact, but starting around 15 months, she developed major separation anxiety and clinginess, even sometimes at home. While I know this is developmentally normal (it typically peaks between 14-20 months), and I’ll miss these snuggly days when she’s older, it can still be difficult to deal with. I know I need my own space sometimes for me to stay sane as a stay-at-home mom, and I’m sure many of you do too! I also think it’s important for her to have confidence in her own abilities, without always holding my hand.

At home, I find the best way to encourage her independence is to set up her environment in a way that promotes autonomy. For example, her toys organized and accessible, her dishes in her small kitchen, and water for her to pour and drink independently. That way, she learns she can take care of (some) of her needs without my help. Even so, sometimes she wants to cling to me at home. When she does this, and I’m available, I give her the one-on-one time she craves. We spend 15 minutes or so reading and snuggling or prepping food together. Then I transition to separate time.

Often after that, she’s more open to playing by herself for a bit (sometimes that means stacking tupperware from the kitchen drawer rather than using toys from her shelf which is fine by me!). I make it clear that I have to work/tidy/sweep for a few minutes and that I’m not available to play right now. She isn’t always happy about this at first, but usually once I start the task I’m doing, and she can still see me, she finds something to occupy herself. (Note: sitting on the couch on my phone does not count!) I don’t stop her from standing close to me and observing, or standing at the kitchen helper when I’m cooking, but I do set limits on picking her up or her being on me during these moments, because sometimes I just can’t! I think it’s important for her to learn this boundary, and that sometimes we have to wait a little bit for what we really want.

As for separation anxiety when we are out or when I am leaving, this is just a part of who she is right now. I know D is usually going to have a hard time going somewhere new and/or watching me leave, and that’s okay. I accept her feelings and let her know I see them. I try to make her more comfortable with new people and situations by talking her through it and staying together as she eases in. But when it’s time for me to leave or step away, I confidently and concisely tell her so, and that I’ll be back soon and that I love her. Although it may seem better to sneak away when they are distracted, I know from working with toddlers in a classroom that it only confuses and upsets them more more. So I always say goodbye and kiss her and she often cries out, but stops once I’m out the door. Most importantly she sees over and over that I always come back. That is what really matters! This phase won’t last forever.

Throwing at Mealtimes

This is an issue that seems to come and go throughout the infant and toddler years. Over the past month, D has gotten in a habit of throwing her glass (or similar) off the table. It started on vacation, when her routine and environment were all mixed up, and unfortunately it’s continued since we’ve been home. My knee-jerk reaction is often to react with emotion, but it helps me to remember that it’s that exact reaction she’s hoping for, and isn’t helpful right now.

The best way I’ve found to stop the throwing is to catch it before it happens. Sitting down with her at meals helps me to pay attention to signs that she’s all done, not hungry, and possibly ready to throw. Sometimes just giving her that focused attention can prevent attention-seeking behavior, sometimes not. When I see signs she’s done eating I ask her if she’s all done and often she signs it back to me. If she says or signs “more”, I give it a little more time but keep an eye on it because sometimes she still throws. If I can, I stop the throw with my hand and say “I can’t let you throw your glass” before it happens, but I’m not always fast enough.

If she does throw her glass, I tell her “It looks like you’re all done. You can tell me “all done”. We don’t throw glasses. Let’s clean it up”. I take her out of her chair and have her help me wipe up the water or pick up the glass. I try to keep my reaction neutral rather than scolding. I want her to simply understand that there are natural consequences to throwing, e.g. mealtime is over and she will need to clean it up, I tell her we can try again later. Sometimes she gets pretty upset when I remove her from the chair, but this passes fairly quickly too. I let her snuggle if she needs comfort and we usually are able to move on without too much drama. The more consistent we are, the better. Toddlers thrive on us being firm, consistent, and loving. Not that it’s always easy!

Note: throwing is a normal toddler behavior, and throwing can be useful for getting out pent up energy. It can help to redirect throwing to things like balls in a basket at home!

Big Emotions & Tantrums

We all know that toddlers have big emotions and strong opinions. I like the quote from Positive Discipline (linked above): “The very same qualities we want for our children as adults can make life challenging when they’re young.” So true! The irony is depicted well in the cartoon below. We don’t need to take the passion out of the toddler, we just have to help them learn how to work through it in an appropriate way. I myself feel big emotions sometimes, and I want D to be able to feel all her feels too, from the high highs to low lows.

The low lows can be really hard though. I know D often melts down when she’s overtired, hungry, or hasn’t had a chance to exert her independence in a while. There is almost no way I will budge her nap or bedtime because of this. Yet even in seemingly perfect circumstances, even when choices have been offered and tummies have been fed, tantrums happen. Often when she doesn’t get something she wants. When they happen at our house, I first give D a chance to feel the feels. (If this is out of the house, I would probably remove her from public situation first). I stay close by and help her identify her emotions, e.g. “I see you are frustrated/sad/angry because….” Sometimes we don’t know why they are upset and we don’t have to make up a reason for them. I don’t say much while she’s upset, but I offer her a hug when she’s ready for it.

Once she’s calmed down, we might read a book or play together for a bit. Importantly, I don’t give in to whatever it was she wanted when the tantrum began. Limits are important for toddlers. When she’s a bit older, I’ll discuss more with her, but at this age, too many words can be confusing, especially after the event has passed. I do try to teach her strategies to deal with feeling upset. One of my favorite board books for toddlers is called Calm Down Time, so we read that together sometimes. Yoga is another great way to provide calm-down strategies for toddlers! It has also helped to give her words/signs to use when she needs something such as “help”, “eat”, “up”, and “please”.

Those are some of our tricky toddler behaviors and strategies for dealing with them! I am sure some of you have similar issues and others of you have entirely different ones. Feel free to reach out! I’d love to do a part II. ;)

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What is Montessori for Babies and Toddlers?

When people ask me to briefly describe Montessori and why it’s different, I usually stumble over my words. My husband says I need an “elevator pitch”, and I’ve yet to make one. If anyone has a great one, let me know! What I can do is try to describe Montessori in bullet points. I’ve been getting a lot of questions about the Montessori philosophy in general, and suggestions for further reading on the topic. I hope that by describing a few of the key elements of Montessori and including some resources below, I can provide parents new to Montessori a little more insight. And please let me know what else you’d like to know in the comments section! I also always like to add that while I am obviously a big proponent of Montessori, do what works for your family, and remember that there is no perfect way, or perfect parent!

6 Key Elements of Montessori Philosophy for infants and toddlers:

Respect for the child: This is the most important element of Montessori, and parenting in general. Respect for infants and toddlers comes in many forms in a Montessori environment. It includes a beautiful and inviting space for our child to play in. It also includes making children feel like important and contributing members of our family or community. Respecting the child means speaking and interacting with our child in a gentle and loving way, and in words they can relate to. Lastly, this includes respecting each child’s individual development and pace/style of learning, whether at home or at school.

Observation: Taking the time to observe each child allows us to assess their individual needs and interests - social, emotional, and developmental. These observations give us the information we need to prepare a proper environment for each child's development, and to rotate materials and activities as they grow and their interests change. We might notice that our baby is constantly making animal sounds, especially the dog and cat. To take advantage and expand this interest, we can find materials such as wooden puzzles, books, and animal figurines of pets for our baby to explore. Observation can especially come in handy when our child is “acting out”. For example, if our toddler is throwing all their toys off their shelf, that tells us that 1. we might want to simplify their shelf or reduce the number of materials and 2. give them other opportunities to throw, such as balls into a laundry basket.

Preparation of environment: Maria Montessori said, “the greatest sign of success for a teacher... is to be able to say, 'The children are now working as if I did not exist”. Instead of the teacher or parent at the center, Montessori describes a triangular interaction among the adult, child, and environment. The adult is the connection between the child and their environment, inviting them in. This is in part why teachers are called guides in Montessori. With a prepared environment and carefully chosen materials, the child can explore their environment (at home or school) and use their materials with minimal assistance. This kind of environment promotes curiosity, concentration, and independence early on. 

Order: In a world that is so big and often overwhelming, infants and toddlers are usually happiest when they have order and structure to their day. This includes organization of their environment and routines. In Montessori classrooms and homes, all of the children’s materials have a specific place in their environment, and there is a consistent daily schedule. The idea is that infants and children come to know what to expect and feel more secure with that knowledge. With that security, the child has the confidence to seek out independent play and take on new challenges. Of course we can’t always keep our environment perfectly organized or our days structured (nor should we), but the more we can do, the more calm and confident our child will feel.

Independence and Choice: Whenever possible, children are given a chance to do things for themselves before the adult steps in. A common quote in Montessori communities is “help me to do it by myself”. We, as adults, are there to model and guide, but not to take over our child’s work. Giving infants and toddlers time and opportunities to exert their independence promotes their self-confidence and self-reliance. You can see the delight and pride on a toddler’s face when they put their own shoes on for the first time. One simple way to give your child more independence is to give them choices rather than directions. For example, “Would you like to get in your pajamas or brush your teeth first?” rather than “It’s time to get ready for bed”.

Intrinsic Motivation: In a Montessori environment, adults try to acknowledge accomplishments rather than praise or offer rewards for doing something “good”. For example, an adult might say “You stacked those blocks really high!” or “I see you worked really hard at putting on your coat” rather than “Good job!” or “I’m so proud of you!” The idea is for children to learn how to take pride in their own accomplishments, rather than only put in effort for adult praise or external rewards. Acknowledging the effort they put into something rather than the end result also encourages children to seek out challenges more often, and to do activities because it feels good rather than because they want praise.

Further Reading:

Montessori from the Start

The Absorbent Mind

How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way

The Montessori Toddler (pre-order for March)

The Whole-Brain Child

Elevating Childcare: A Guide to Respectful Parenting

Positive Discipline: The First 3 Years

Here is a lovely peek into a Montessori classroom:

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of these links, you won’t pay anything extra, but I will get a small commission, which helps keep this blog going. Thanks for supporting Montessori in Real Life!